


Fill the Spaces Inbetween

by Hoodedscarlet



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Drug Use, Sexual References, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-17 05:36:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4654329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoodedscarlet/pseuds/Hoodedscarlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's easy enough to text a wrong number, and for Cullen it happens at entirely the wrong time. Usually it's a one time event as well, but Cullen is a special case and Dorian isn't about to let him forget it. What follows is a slow descent into friendship, two men dancing around each other as their lives spin on around them. They both have secrets to hide, pasts and presents they want to run from, but within each other and the comfort of distance represented by pixels on a screen they find a solace.<br/>And perhaps, in time, a bit more...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Misfire

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Little Numbers](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/9821) by iknowitainteasy. 



> Don't ever code emojis into your fics. You will hate yourself.
> 
> Also, this fic is about 80% done! So updates should be fast and regular, so hold onto your seats because you guys are in for a wild ride! 8D Based off Little Numbers, possibly the oldest fic I remember reading and a big influence on me as a writer. Note that this fic is written in portions of both texts and paragraph style - as the story progresses it will be more paragraph than text but starts out text heavy at first.
> 
> Fact of the day: Dorian's phone number is actually (212)NECROYO. Because I like little easter eggs like that. And necromancy.

To: (212) 632-7696  
From: Cullen  
  
(2:18 pm)  
Hey, sorry for not texting you earlier. Any chance we can change our meeting from 2 to 3? A cat decided to throw up on my shoes.  
  
(2:19 pm)  
_a) Who is this? b) Why are we meeting? c) How on earth did you manage to get a cat to throw up on your shoes?  
  
_ (2:20 pm)  
Oh maker, sorry! Thought the sixes were nines, don’t mind me!  
  
(2:22 pm)  
_You say that like I *don’t* want to hear about how you managed to get a cat to throw up on your shoes.  
  
_ (2:23 pm)  
Why are you even so interested, anyway?  
  
(2:24 pm)  
_Slow day, and if I have to make another latte I’m going to bash my head in.  
  
_ (2:25 pm)  
Shouldn’t you put your phone away before somebody catches you?  
  
(2:26 pm)  
_You’re no fun. Even if I do have another customer coming in now. I’m holding you to that story though.  
  
_ -x-  
  
To: (212) 632-7696  
From: Cullen  
  
(1:59 pm)  
_So, am I getting that story or what?  
  
_ (2:00 pm)  
Are you really that interested?  
  
(2:00 pm)  
_I mean, I have nothing else better to do. Do you?  
  
_ (2:01 pm)  
Aren’t you still at work?  
  
(2:01 pm)  
_You and your obsession with making sure I’m working. Don’t you have a single rebellious streak in you?  
  
_ (2:02 pm)  
That is besides the point.

  
(2:02 pm)  
_That is *exactly* the point.  
  
_ (2:03 pm)  
Can I at least get a name to the person I’m about to embarrass myself to?  
  
(2:03 pm)

For no reason whatsoever, might I add.  
  
(2:03 pm)  
God, what am I doing?  
  
(2:04 pm)  
_Making the best decision of your life, obviously.  
  
_ (2:04 pm)  
_Although don’t start going too fast on me. I’m a man that needs to be wined and dined._  
_  
_ (2:05 pm)  
Just answer the question so I have a name to put in my phone.  
  
(2:05 pm)  
_Touchyyyy.  
  
_ (2:06 pm)  
_Dorian, at your service.  
  
_ (2:07 pm)  
Cullen. Nice to meet you?   
  
(2:08 pm)  
_What did I do to deserve an emoji? I’m suspicious.  
  
_ (2:08 pm)  
_Are you going to come kidnap me and hold me hostage or something?  
_  
(2:09 pm)  
So after all this now you’re the suspicious one?  
  
(2:10 pm)  
_What can I say? I’m allowed my moment of doubt.  
  
_ (2:10 pm) _  
Now, about that story.  
  
_ (2:11 pm)  
You never give up, do you?  
  
(2:11 pm)  
You’re going to be so disappointed, I hope you know that.  
  
(2:11 pm)  
_Doesn’t matter, really.  
  
_ (2:12 pm) _  
Either way I got a conversation with a lovely man. ___ _  
  
_ (2:13 pm)  
sdfghhjvb  
  
(2:13 pm)  
Sorry, just dropped my phone.  
  
(2:14 pm)  
_And here I thought you had swooned thanks to my devilish charms and good looks. You wound me Cullen.  
  
_ (2:14 pm)  
_Shit, got another customer. Talk to you later!  
_  
-x-  
  
_The Inquisition_ was by far Cullen’s favorite pub in the area. Unusual without being tacky, welcoming but still retaining a composed and somewhat formal air it made Cullen wonder why he had resisted being brought along in the first place. Then again, Cassandra _could_ be hit and miss on what places she recommended - meaning he was pretty sure sometimes she just drove past a place that looked interested and was texting it to the rest of them within minutes. As it was Cullen was nursing a tap beer, reading over the texts that this mysterious ‘Dorian’ had sent him as a familiar woman slid onto the stool next to him.  
  
“You’re looking rather focused tonight.” Josephine said, a smile brushing her lips.  
  
“Just reading over some texts, nothing interesting.” Cullen replied, tucking his phone into his pant pocket. “Are you well?”  
  
“Of course.” She replied, “although I’m much more interested in what’s got your attention on there.”  
  
“Agreed.” Leliana agreed, sliding onto a stool opposite the two of them at the table. She settled her glass of red wine carefully to the wood of the table. “How many texts did it take you to reply to me today?”  
  
“Only three, don’t use that tone of voice with me.” Cullen replied, rolling his eyes goodnaturedly. Leliana said nothing in return to that, although her eyes sparkled with mirth. Something he’d have to rectify later, no doubt. Leliana wasn’t always the more carefree, but when she was in a mood one’s dignity was to be feared - even more so if her ‘Josie’ was at her hip. “Anyway, it was just a wrong number text. The other guy decided I was interesting and we’ve had a bit of a back and forward ever since.  
  
“Oh, Cassandra would _love_ this!” Josephine giggled, eyes brighter from the alcohol. “How romantic!”

“Assuming he’s not being catfished, of course.” Leliana replied. Cullen sighed, rubbing his temples. 

“Why do you two always assume every person I mention is going to fill the clearly _gaping_ hole in my love life?” He said. The two woman opposite him giggled - for a moment Cullen wished that Alastair hadn’t had family matters to attend to tonight. While he loved the two woman in front of him dearly, they did have a habit of making him feel… Outnumbered. Particularly if it had anything to do with subjects out of mushy romance novels.  
  
“Because you’re a good looking man that has no right to be single.” Josephine replied. “And considering you never take me up on my offers to set you up with a few people - people I know you’ll _love_ might I add - this is the next best option.”  
  
“You also look adorable when you blush.” Leliana added. The smirk on her face as he felt his cheeks heat at that comment made him want to strangle her in the most kind and loving way possible.  
  
“I swear you two have it out for me.” Cullen sighed.  
  
“Quite the opposite.” Leliana said. “Do let us know how this budding romance of yours pans out though, yes? I would much like to hear how our dear Captain fares with this mysterious Prince Charming.”  
  
“You’re forgetting the fact that I’m not even attracted to men.” Cullen argued weakly in reply. While that final comment seemed to sate Josiephine well enough Leliana’s eyes lingered longer. He swore if that woman just looked hard enough she would be able to unravel all his secrets and more - he was pretty sure she at least knew his regular bouts of ‘sickness’ were actually his worse days of withdrawal, if the drink bottle and cooling pack making sudden editions to her purse were any indication. It both unnerved him and comforted him - and only comforted him because Leliana didn’t see it fit to ask him about anything. It gave at the very minimum the illusion of space that he needed to soldier on.

But those thoughts ceased to bother him as the night went on, as Josephine started giggling more and a flush touched Leliana's nose. Cullen didn't even know when the tenseness unwound from his shoulders (completely independent of the drink in front of him) but he wasn't arguing against it. Josephine finished another outlandish story and Cullen couldn't stop himself from chuckling along with his two best friends. They made him feel normal. Wanted. He wasn't about to argue with it.

When Josephine pulled him into the cab beside him though memories flashed before him. Wandering hands and slurred words and eyes blown. But this was Josephine, it was her and Leliana was getting into the cab beside him. This wasn't _then_ , and after a moment Cullen allowed himself to breathe, cut the strings that hold him taunt.

Faintly, he could feel a headache start up as the taxi rumbled out onto the road. He'd probably have a headache tonight, and it'd be 50/50 as to whether painkillers would help. But for now he took pleasure in the way Josephine huddled into his side, the thick chains of her jewelry cool even through his thick cotton button up. Leliana rubbed circles into his knee just the way she knew he liked, and Cullen let himself be soothed by the scent of candy floss as the road flew away from beneath them.

-x-

To: Dorian(?)  
From: Cullen

(2:12 pm)  
_So what do I need to do to get that story out of you? Flutter my eyes? Buy you a drink?_

(2:15 pm)  
For all we know you're on other side of the country. Might be hard to buy me a drink unless you like long distance running.

(2:16 pm)  
_Planes are a thing._

(2:17 pm)  
I know.

(2:19 pm)  
_What *do* I need to do though?  
_

(2:19 pm)  
Wow, you really are persistent.  
Fine, you win.  
  
(2:19 pm)  
How about a story for a story?

(2:20 pm)  
_...Whatever do you want to know though?_

(2:21 pm)  
_I mean, I know I am the most dashing man you've ever talked to in your entire life but I'm afraid I'm not swapping my life story for one about an insulted cat._

(2:21 pm)  
Hm.

(2:22 pm)  
Tell me a story about where you work.

(2:22 pm)  
_You sure about that?  
__I’m not sure it’ll be the most riveting material._

(2:22 pm)  
Those are my terms. 

(2:23 pm)  
 _ ___

(2:24 pm)  
_Let's see._

(2:24 pm)  
_Oh Maker, I know exactly what I should tell you.  
  
_ (2:26 pm)  
_So there’s a bunch of regulars that do shift work with me, since as you’d expect from a cafe in such a high traffic area as where i am and recently Alexius decided to hire on this new girl. Sera something or another_

(2:26 pm)  
_I think its Emmald? I forget, she’s managed to take shifts on the days I don’t work now.  
  
_ (2:27 pm)  
_Anyway, it’s a slow afternoon and I’m dealing with a couple of lattes when a couple of people walk in and sit down. And I decide okay, she should know what she's doing. Send her off to get them water._

(2:28 pm)  
_Turns out she knew them. Or at had least heard of them? It was some MMO thing I honestly didn’t want to get too far into. All I know is that I went into the kitchen, came out and this bloody woman has her hand wrapped halfway up her forearm as she *explicitly* explained how she fisted this one woman._

(2:28 pm)  
You’re kidding me.

(2:29 pm)  
_Just remembering it makes me shake my head. Maker knows why she thought that was a conversation for polite company._

(2:29 pm)  
_Although I see them every week now, so I guess there were happy endings all well? Maybe?_

(2:29 pm)  
_That’s the most embarrassed I’ve been in a long time._

(2:30 pm)  
And for good reason, Maker.

(2:30 pm)  
Well, a deal's a deal. Prepare to be severely disappointed.

(2:31 pm)  
_I’m on the edge of my seat._

(2:32 pm)  
I had an appointment, and I’d missed my last because I didn’t feel well so I really didn’t want to miss this one.   
Problem was I judged the traffic completely wrong and I was going to be really late unless I ran.

(2:32 pm)  
Got out of breath though, stopped in an alley to catch my breath, cat decided that I was the worst thing in the entire world and lo and behold I have the cat's dinner all over my shoes.

(2:33 pm)  
I'm still trying to get the smell out.  
  
(2:34 pm)  
_You didn't think to just sit down on a bench or a cafe table or something?_

(2:34 pm)  
...I wasn't really thinking.  
  
(2:34 pm)  
_You, sir, are a delightful mystery._

(2:35 pm)  
I'm not sure how you got to that conclusion, but okay.

(2:36 pm)  
_Does it matter? I mean, I have stopped accusing you of being somebody of ulterior motives._

  
(2:36 pm)  
...I suppose not.  
Does this mean since you've figured out the mystery you're going to stop texting me?

(2:36 pm)  
_If anything, it's only opened up the page to a plethora of new questions.  
  
__(2:37_ pm _)  
__What, do you want me to?_

(2:37 pm)  
No.  
  
(2:38 pm)  
No as in I want you to keep texting me, not that I want you to stop.  
  
(2:38 pm)   
/Maker./  
  
(2:38 pm)  
_You are simply *adorable*.  
  
_ (2:39 pm)  
And you're insufferable, but who's counting?  
Breaks over, I'll ttyl.

(2:39 pm)  
_Oh, you're running off on me now?  
__Ta-ta for now.  
  
_ -x-   
  
To: The Iron Bull  
From: Dorian  
  
(10:03 am)  
**You coming to yoga tonight?**

(11:22 am)  
**You haven't come for three weeks now.  
****Have you been anywhere besides work in the past three weeks? That’s not healthy, y’know.**

(1:48 pm)  
**Look, do I need to physically muscle you out of that flashy apartment of yours??  
** **You know I'll do it.**

(3:36 pm)  
**You’re reading all the texts and not replying. I know you.**

(6:32 pm)  
**Last chance, ya damn ‘Vint.**

-x-

To: Dorian(?)  
From: Cullen

(6:35 pm)  
_How do you get out of plans? I'm asking because of a friend._

(6:39 pm)  
Isn't it 'I'm asking for a friend'?

(6:39 pm)  
_No, it's 'because' since said friend is threatening to manhandle me out of the house personally if I don't oblige_.

(6:39 pm)  
...Why are you asking me?  
I feel like there must be a lot of people better to ask than me.

(6:40 pm)  
_Because you're the most recent person on my contact list.  
__Also you don't know bull.  
__That makes things easier._

(6:40 pm)  
What kind of name is Bull?

(6:40 pm)  
_I've known the man for years now and I still don't know his real one.  
__So if you can enlighten me please feel free._

(6:41 pm)  
_That is rather besides the point though._

(6:41 pm)  
Why do you not want to go though?

(6:42 pm)  
_Because I'm almost finished my book, I've taken off all my makeup already, there's a bottle of wine with my name on it and I just really want to stay home._

(6:42 pm)  
And was that what happened last week too?

(6:45 pm)  
Exactly.

(6:45 pm)  
_I didn't say anything!_

(6:45 pm)  
If I wasn’t right you would have said something sooner.

(6:46 pm)  
 _ ___  
  
(6:46 pm)  
_Using smilies against me now? I'm offended._

(6:46 pm)  
I think the word is 'sore loser'.

(6:47 pm)  
_That's two words._

(6:47 pm)  
I know.

(6:47 pm)  
 _ ___

(6:48 pm)  
Look, just go out and do it. Worst case scenario your makeup runs, you have a terrible time and you can tell Bull you're never showing up to a class again.

(6:49 pm)  
_My makeup does *not* run._

(6:49 pm)  
So you'll do it?

(6:50 pm)  
_I hate you._

(6:50 pm)  
And you haven't even met me. _ ___

-x-  
To: The Iron Bull  
From: Dorian

(6:51 pm)  
_Hold onto your damn fat pants, I’m coming.  
  
_ (6:53 pm)  
**About time you got back to me. Will you be ready in 10?  
**  
(6:53 pm)  
_15, I need to put on a new face. Not a second longer my friend.  
Promise. ______  
  
_ (6:54 pm)  
**I’m holding you to that.**

-x-

Sometimes, Dorian would see Bull and remember their first encounter. Of course, there were many things that you could notice about the Iron Bull, but the main one was that it felt like his size was simply improbable. It was as if when you looked at him for the first time, he got to the height he should be and then he just _kept going,_ passing from the improbable into the absurd. He filled the space of two men unapologetically and commanded the respect to match with a rumbling baritone - he was the man that Dorian simultaneously couldn’t believe he was friends with, and was _really fucking_ glad he was.  
  
Tonight Dorian opened the door to him and was reminded of just how long it’d been since he’s seen the man, taking a step back to look up at the man’s face. His expression was soft, if not a bit amused.  
  
“Hey ‘Vint.” Bull said.  
  
“Hey yourself.” Dorian said, rolling his eyes in mock disapproval. “Do I need to start taking a page out of Varric’s book and calling you Tiny?”  
  
“Aw, you know you love it though.” Bull retorted, clapping Dorian on the shoulder before pressing a set of keys into Dorian’s hand. “Don’t forget, you’re driving.”  
  
“Why do I have to drive your bloody brute of a car anyway?” Dorian muttered, somehow pushing his way successfully past the Iron Bull and locking the door behind him. “I have no idea why you put up with that insufferable hunk of metal. Just looking at it makes me want to cry.”  
  
“Well, if you can find another car that fits me let me know. Right now I don’t hit my head when I get in, she doesn’t go through petrol like Krem does ale on casual Fridays and she hasn’t needed a serious service in four years. She’s good to me, so I’m good to her.” Dorian just mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like ‘Festis bei umo canavarum’ as the two of them started walking down the several flights of stairs that stood between them and the outside world. Bull just laughed, the insult like water off a duck’s back.  
  
Dorian was pretty sure he could say anything to him and he’d laugh it off… Not that he could say the same of other people of course. He’d seen Bull singlehandedly break up enough bar fights to know that he was in a very special and select few when he said that. Once again, he was really fucking glad Bull was on his side.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by his phone chirping from his pocket, and twirling the keychain around his finger he pulled out, swiping to bring up the message.  
  
-x-  
  
To: Cullen  
From: Dorian  
  
(7:08 pm)  
Just checking to see if you actually left or not.  
  
(7:08 pm)  
Because I’m nice like that.  
  
(7:09 pm)  
_Ha ha, real funny. I’m on my way now, if you’re so interested in my day-to-day life.  
  
_ (7:09 pm)  
Glad to know I’m a good influence then. Have fun!

  
-x-

“Who you talkin’ to?” Bull asked, keeping in time with Dorian’s brisk walk. The bite of the late autumn air was unpleasant to a hothouse orchid of a man, and already the tips of his ears were going pink due to the cold.  
  
“Nobody interesting.”  
  
“You replied to them now though.” Bull pointed out. “If it wasn’t important, you would have waited, especially since you’re just about to drive.” Dorian just gave him a look.  
  
“You are far too perceptive for your own good.” The man said, the curled end of his moustache twitching. “A guy texted me on accident and we’ve struck up some rather amusing conversation since. Lovely fellow- not like that.” Dorian added, furrowing his brow momentarily as Bull waggled his eyebrows in an exaggerated fashion. “Well, not completely like that anyway.”  
  
“You’re a flirt, I know.” Bull laughed, swinging himself into the passenger’s seat as Dorian sat in the driver’s seat. “You don’t need to tell me twice.”  
  
“Well, somebody’s got to pump up your ego.” Dorian said, letting the engine clack on and start purring like a pleased cat under his fingers. “Might as well be me.”  
  
“Says the peacock.” Bull replied, reclining back in his seat. He scratched under his septum piercing, his other hand sliding behind his head. “So, could it be like that?”  
  
“What? No!” Dorian said, pulling out onto the quiet street. “Bull, I don’t even know where he lives, just that his name’s Cullen and he managed to get a cat to throw up on his shoes. That is hardly a system to base attraction to.” Bull’s laugh rumbled from his chest; Dorian swore that it warmed him in that moment just as much as the jeep’s air con system.  
  
“For a man who flirts with everything on two legs, you’re being awfully defensive.”  
  
“Not defensive, just realistic.” Dorian said. “Once I know more about the guy? Sure, he’ll get subjected to the full gay parade. For now though, I’m more interested in seeing where this is going.” Bull looked like he was about to make a smart remark but suddenly seemed to think better of it. He simply nodded instead, and it soothed a knot in Dorian’s stomach he didn’t realise was forming.  
  
Their banter continued as Dorian directed them through the lamplit streets of the outer city, the radio humming an nondescript pop song underneath them. On the city line the sun was just dipping under the horizon, painting the sky in colours that Dorian would love nothing more than to pluck from the heavens and wear like a seraphic cloak. For now though, he would just have to let the heavens keep their beauty to themselves, and enjoy this moment where time stood still.

And drive, of course. That might be important.


	2. Accustom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you find support in the strangest places. Of course, that usually implies a neighbour that you'd always dismissed, a classmate that you always seem to run into, a little old lady that always comes to pat your dog. For Cullen and Dorian, this support is instead snatched between busy moments on a screen in front of them, with a person they realistically should have never met. And though their friendship is new, sometimes you just _click_ with somebody.

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(4:25 pm)  
Should I be worried that you haven't texted yet?

(4:25 pm)  
_Oh,I missed my slot didn't I? Pardon me, I've been distracted today  
On the bright side though, it's nice to know you care about little ol' me._

(4:26 pm)  
  
You okay though?

(4:26 pm)  
_Well, I'm visiting at the hospital, if that can really be classified as 'okay'._

(4:26 pm) _  
_ Ah.

(4:27 pm)  
My condolences?

(4:27 pm)  
_That sounded like something out of some bullshit copy-paste letter. This isn't **important official business** Cullen, you can loosen your britches!  
__If you know how to, I mean. I hear quite a few people get in the habit of getting them in a knot.  
  
_ (4:28 pm)  
Well ha ha, aren't you just the funniest thing this side of Thedas?  
  
(4:28 pm)  
_Of course I am, I'm the best thing since sliced bread. And canned bread. And frozen. Any invention to do with bread, I'm better than than again.  
I mean, would you really expect anything less from me?_

(4:29 pm)  
Maker, why did I even ask.  
  
(4:29 pm)  
_You know you love it._

(4:29 pm)  
Well, it's the only reason we're still talking.  
  
(4:30 pm)  
_And here I thought it had something to do with my dashing good looks and winning smile.  
  
_ (4:30 pm)  
Oh, sure it does! Screens and texts that cost me 10 cents each do wonders to portray your complexion.   
  
(4:31 pm)  
_You're *paying* for all your texts?  
_  
(4:31 pm) _  
Cullen, do yourself a favor. Its 2015, get yourself a phone plan.  
  
_ (4:31 pm)  
Sure thing, mom.  
  
(4:31 pm)  
Family admitted then, I'm assuming?

(4:32 pm)  
_Ah yes, the jokes can't last forever can they?_

(4:32 pm)  
_Honestly, might as well be._

(4:33 pm)  
_Best friend, leukaemia._

(4:33 pm)  
Shit, I'm sorry.

(4:34 pm)  
It's hard, I know how it feels.

(4:34 pm)  
_You too?_

(4:35 pm)  
Yeah.

(4:36 pm)  
My friend Samson got leukaemia as well... What was it now?  
  
(4:37 pm)  
7 years ago?  
  
(4:37 pm)  
Something like that.

(4:38 pm)  
Acute, started slow but progressed very rapidly. He died two years after he got diagnosed.  
Sometimes I forget he’s gone, especially since things got... bad for me not too long after.

(4:38 pm)  
I hope your friend has better luck.

(4:39 pm)  
_Same. Felix's gone through worse than this though, he’ll be fine. He's mainly been on watchful waiting but they wanted him here for tests just to be sure._  
_He's sleeping now though, asshole._

(4:39 pm)  
_Probably happy not to have his dad fussing over him though._  
_I swear that man would do anything for his son._

(4:40 pm) _  
_ He sounds like a good man.

(4:40 pm)  
...Hard to deal with, but a good man.

(4:41 pm)  
_Preaching to the choir.  
_  
(4:41 pm)  
_Honestly though, Alexius is a father to me._  
_I would say ‘basically a father to me’ but that feels insulting considering how much he’s done for me._

(4:42 pm)  
_He took me in, I'm lucky to have him._

(4:43 pm)  
Make that a great man then.

(4:43 pm) pm)  
_A great man that promised me lunch._  
_Blah blah work, blah blah responsibilities, but *I'm* here. *I* took time off work. Can't somebody make me coffee and lunch for once?_

(4:44 pm)  
Aw, it must be so hard being you.

(4:44 pm)  
_It's simply the *worst*._  
_Shouldn't you be at work though?_

(4:45 pm)  
I only work part time. Today's one of my days off, and I'm /trying/ to enjoy it thank you very much.

(4:45 pm)  
_Alright, calm down there kitty. You don't need to get your claws out._

(4:45 pm)  
Excuse you.

(4:46 pm)  
_Again, you know you love it._  
_Ah, Sleeping Beauty’s decided to grace me with his presence. See you later!_

(4:46 pm)  
Don’t let me stop you.

  
-x-  
  
To: Leliana  
From: Cullen

(8:39 pm)  
 _I haven’t heard from you for the past couple of days. Not feeling good?_  
  
(8:41 pm)  
Yeah.  
  
(8:41 pm)  
 _I’ve got some extra vegetable soup if you’re hungry. I can bring it down now?_  
  
(8:42 pm)  
Maker, you’re too good to me Leliana.  
  
(8:42 pm)  
 _I’d argue just good enough~  
__Be there in a few. xx_

  
-x-  
  
To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(10:25 am)  
There’s cat fur on my jacket.  
I don’t own a cat.  
  
(10:36 am)  
 _Clearly she’s chosen you._  
 _I hope you’re not allergic._  
  
(10:37 am)  
I’m not, but that’s not the point.  
I’m on the fourth floor, Maker’s breath.   
  
(10:38 am)  
What is a cat even /doing/ up here?  
  
(10:38 am)  
 _Same thing I imagine you are._  
_Eating, sleeping, distracting people with how adorable said creature is._

(10:38 am)  
Are you talking about me or the cat?

(10:39 am)  
_Does it matter?_

(10:39 am)  
ProBABLY NOT???  
Oops caps lock.

(10:40 am)  
_Have I mentioned you're adorable?  
__Because I'm feeling the need to say it again for some reason._

(10:40 am)  
We still haven't addressed the fact somewhere there's a /cat in my house/.

(10:41 am)  
_Are you sure you just didn't pick the fur up when you last went out?_  
_Like, a friend’s cat or something._

(10:41 am)  
Definitely not, I haven't seen a cat for weeks! Also it looks like it sleeping on the fur for warmth???

(10:43 am)  
_You have fur on your coat._

(10:43 am)  
Is that a problem?

(10:44 am)  
_I have met one person who could pull that off._  
_He was a super model._  
_Maker, you sound like a walking fashion disaster._

(10:44 am)  
Hey, I like to think I take more pride in my appearance than your average walking fashion disaster. 

(10:45 am)  
_God, I feel like just by associating with you my ability to be fashionable is going to be compromised._

(10:46 am)  
Dorian, I feel like a man confident enough to wear makeup on a daily basis isn’t going to be knocked down a few rungs by a man who likes wearing a little fur.

(10:47 am)  
 _Thats_  
  
(10:47 am)  
 _an oddly refreshing thing to hear, actually._

(10:48 am)  
Wait, really?

(10:49 am)  
 _Generally makeup is the butt of the jokes, rather than the focus if you get my drift.  
Kind of nice to hear somebody more neutral on the subject, frankly._  
  
(10:49 am)  
I hardly feel like I’m in the right position to judge you even if I wanted to.  
I dont even know what you look like.  


(10:50 am)  
 _Handsome, dashing, Prince Charming incarnate._  
 _All suitable descriptors of yours truly. _  
  
(10:51 am)  
Ha ha, real funny.  
  
(10:51 am)  
 _Excuse you, it’s 100% true._  
 _Well, more like think your typical western villain, expect ten times more handsome and twice as tan._  
  
(10:52 am)  
Do you expect me to believe that?   
  
(10:52 am)  
 _You better. I take great pride in my moustache, thank you very much._  
  
(10:53 am)  
You don’t seriously have that facial hair.  
  
(10:53 am)  
Right?  
  
(10:53 am)  
/Right???/

(10:54 am)  
 _Complete with curled ends and a goatee._  
  
(10:55 am)  
I actually cannot believe you right now.  
And you thought /I/ was bad with fur.

(10:56 am)  
 _See, the difference is I make men and women swoon wherever I walk. You probably just make people wonder where the wet dog is._  
  
(10:56 am)   
I do not smell like wet dog!!!  
  
(10:56 am)  
 _Keep dreaming, you special snowflake you._  
 _How about you?_  
  
(10:56 am)  
Huh?  
  
(10:56 am)  
 _What do you look like?_  
 _I don’t know, sum it up in a sentence._  
  
(10:57 am)  
I’m not sure I could do it in a sentence?  
  
(10:57 am)  
 _And here I thought I was the vain one._  
  
(10:57 am)  
That’s not what I meant.  
  
(10:58 am)  
 _And I’m Queen Victoria._  
  
(10:58 am)  
I hate you so much.  
  
(10:59 am)  
I groaned and the lady sitting next to me looked at me funny.  
I blame you entirely.  
  
(11:00 am)  
 _Then stop dodging my questions and answer them, silly._  
  
(11:00 am)  
Okay.  
  
(11:01 am)  
Uh.  
  
(11:01 am)  
I guess think the prince off Cinderella?  
But blonde.  
With really curly hair.  
Not as bad as Justin Timberlake’s noodle cup hair but it feels close some days.  
I’ve got a scar on my lip?   
  
(11:02 am)  
That's about everything important.  
  
(11:02 am)  
 _So basically I’m the Disney villain to your Prince Charming?_  
 _I do hope you have no plans of vanquishing me any time soon._  
  
(11:03 am)  
None yet, promise.  
Getting called in now though, ttyl!  
  
(11:04 am)  
 _You know where I'll be._  
  
-x-  
  
“So Sparkler, you going to finish your shift or just stand there and admire me just a little bit more? I mean, I know I’m handsome when I working but you only need to stroke a man’s ego so much.”  
  
“Oh please, I have enough trouble keeping my ego stroked.” Dorian laughed, shaking his head as he emptied out the filters of the coffee machine. “I barely have time to do anything else. Any attempt to stroke your ego would leave mine to wither and die and that simply won’t do.”  
  
“You’re telling me.” Varric hummed in reply, before returning to his manuscript. He’d been working over and proof reading the ten pages in front of him for the better part of two hours, long after the rest of the cafe’s patrons had upped and left. The shorter man though could lose himself in his own words just as easily as Dorian could lose himself in another’s; it was one of the reasons that the two had started talking, snippets of conversations in a busy lunch hour. It wasn’t until Varric had started making appearances at the end of the day searching for some ‘peace and quiet, Andraste’s tits’ that the two had moves from ‘acquaintances’ firmly into ‘friends’.   
  
“Still working on that drivel Hard in Hightown?” Dorian asked, clicking shut the door to the machine in front of him.  
  
“Please, at least call it long winded. We both know it’s much better than some of the shit that’s out there.”  
  
“Not by much.”  
  
“Calm down pretty boy.” Varric replied, a twinkle in his eye. “For the record, it’s the sequel _Hard in Hightown Two:_ _Siege Harder_ \- the original is the reason I can afford regular cups of your overpriced coffee.”  
  
“Okay firstly you’re the one that always insists on getting the most expensive coffee on the menu with extra shots, that is all on you.” Dorian said, leaning against the bench. “And secondly we both know you could afford a hundred cups of the stuff and your bank balance wouldn’t even bat an eyelid, Mr My-movie’s-coming-out-in-two-months.”  
  
“I should do that sometime, just to piss you off.”  
  
“You wouldn’t.”  


Varric just grinned, tapping his pen against the side of his nose. The tips of his fingers were stained blue with ink - Dorian could say what he wanted about the ‘ridiculous things’ that Varric wrote at the end of the day the man was a master of his craft and worked just as hard.    
  
“We’ll see Sparkler. I might be able to make it two hundred before the year’s out. I mean, I’m already getting recognised.” He sat back in his chair with a smug grin on his face; the action made his button up fall open wider to present even more of his unruly chest hair. Dorian was unsure that the man even physically knew how to button up a shirt more than three holes. “Saw a lady lose the plot for a second while I was getting onto the subway yesterday; the crowds were too thick for her to get to me but you know that look somebody gets on their face when they see you and their whole world stops? Yeah, that was exactly the sort of look she had on her face. Except instead of the lovey dovey romantic shit it was more ‘you are amazing and incredible and I want to rub my face in your chest hair’.”  
  
“Sorry to ruin your lovely fantasy, but has the thought ever crossed your mind she recognised you because of your books and not your stunning good looks?”  
  
“Oh you _flatter_ me.” Varric replied. “Of course, but these days I’m just as recognisable as the titles. Plus, in another world maybe we would’ve worked out. Tall, short hair, resting bitchface but clearly has a good taste in literature? A shame that I’m always and forever dedicated to my dear Bianca.”  
  
“And there you go making it creepy again.” Dorian said, laughing despite it. “Seriously, I will never understand how you love a gun so much.”  
  
“And I’ll never understand how a man like you ended up basically washed up in the middle of the Big City, so perhaps we should just both understand we have our peculiarities and leave it at that?”  
  
“Perhaps.” Dorian said.  
  
“Good. Now, are you going to proof read these chapters for me or not? I don’t pay you to stand around and look pretty.”

“You don’t pay me at all!”  
  
“Exactly, now get your ass over here or you can cough up the five sovereigns that you bet for every time you wouldn’t. You were quite adamant you weren’t going to lose a single copper over all this, might I add.”  
  
“Yeah yeah, hold your horses short ass.” Dorian said, flipping over the sign on the door to closed before taking a seat next to the other man. “Now, give me the first page so we can get this nonsense over with as fast as possible.”  
  
(Of course, the two of them spent the next two hours going off on tangents from the text and basically doing anything except proofread but Dorian loved nights like this - nights when he didn’t have to return to an apartment that felt far too empty far too soon, instead spending the night with a friend that didn’t know his past and had no intention of digging it out of him. It was an evening spent burning the midnight oil with a man whom he could trade banter between just as airy and light as the game it was, and that was more precious than any of the coins that Varric could spill out of his pockets.)  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time around but trust me, they get longer from here on out. :D Enjoy!


	3. Disruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friendships always have their speed bumps. Differing opinions, clashing schedules, the newness of a friendship giving way to the ordinary. For Cullen and Dorian, it's the newness giving way to the extraordinary - but extraordinary doesn't always mean 'good'.

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(7:33 pm)  
 _Dont 'Sparkler' me, dwarf. Look, this isn’t Swords and Shields, I don’t *care* if Donnen’s chest hairs glisten with the light of a thousand suns. (If I wanted that I’d look at you and cry over my poor taste in men.) Point is, there needs to be more of a plot to this then ‘another person dies, well shit’, okay?_  
  
(7:38 pm)  
 _Wait, shit, ignore that._  
  
(7:39 pm)  
I am genuinely confused. What in Thedas did you just send me?

(7:39 pm)  
 _I was just texting a friend, don’t worry about it._  
  
(7:40 pm)  
Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy.   
/I/ get to ask the questions for once.   
  
(7:40 pm)  
 _...I feel like I should be worried._  
  
(7:41 pm)  
You should be.  
Okay, I want you to elaborate on /exactly/ what you were talking about.  
  
(7:41 pm)  
 _And here I thought I was the Disney villain._  
 _One of my friends is drafting up his next book and I help him with it, on occasion._  
  
(7:41 pm)  
 _Well, I try to._  
  
(7:42 pm)  
 _Some of the drivel he produces is beyond saving. At the moment he’s trying to push through some plot that has about the level of emotional engagement of an arranged marriage._  
  
(7:42 pm)  
You over exaggerate way too much, Dorian.  


(7:43 pm)  
 _Oh no, the fun police have come to get me, whatever am I going to do?_  
 _Should I be scared?_  
 _Are you going to tie me up and tell me what a bad boy I’ve been?_  
  
(7:43 pm)  
What?!  
nO?

(7:43 pm)  
 _True, you’d probably enjoy it too much._  
  
(7:44 pm)  
Maker you haven’t even met me.  
Why are you flirting with me.  
  
(7:44 pm)  
 _Because its fun._  
 _For both parties involved._  


(7:45 pm)  
When did I ever say I found it fun???  
  
(7:45 pm)  
 _Well you never told me you wanted me to stop.  
_ _?_  
  
(7:47 pm)  
...That’s different.  
  
(7:47 pm)  
 _Mhmm, sure. You can keep telling yourself that._  
 _For the record though, I have no desire to make you uncomfortable_  
  
(7:48 pm)  
Duly noted.  
  
(7:48 pm)  
Now the real question; why is your friend writing about a ‘Donnen’? Because last time I checked I only know of one Donnen and he’s in a movie coming out in two months based on a very popular book.  
  
(7:49 pm)  
 _See, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you._  
  
(7:49 pm)  
Wait.  
  
(7:49 pm)  
Are you friends with /the/ Varric Tethras?  
  
(7:49 pm)  
Holy shit.  
  
(7:50 pm)  
God, Cassandra would have an absolute fit right now if she knew.  
  
(7:50 pm)  
 _Maker, I was wondering how Varric managed to get such a big ego. I will wonder no more!_  
  
(7:51 pm)  
You can’t talk.  
  
(7:51 pm)  
 _True, but you have to admit for *me* to comment on it, it must be rather impressive._  
  
(7:52 pm)  
Touché.  
  
(7:52 pm)  
 _But yes, I tend to lend him a hand on occasion with proof reading and things. As you can see by my rant, the third Hard in Hightown book is reading more like Swords and Shields than a good sequel._  
  
(7:53 pm)  
Not a fan of his romance novels then, are you?  
  
(7:53 pm)  
 _Romance novels in general? They're decent enough, I indulge every now and then. Varric's? I could shit out a better love story than that._  
  
(7:54 pm)  
It’s not that bad!  
At least Varric makes a genuine effort in Swords and Shields for the romance between the captain and the guardsman to feel natural!

(7:54 pm)  
 _...Please, tell me you aren’t serious right now.  
_

(7:55 pm)  
Okay, I have to admit it’s one of the reasons I got to know Cassandra in the first place so there's some nostalgia there.

(7:55 pm)  
But it is a genuinely good story! The guy knows how to draw you into a world - and the twist at the end of the last chapter was amazing.

(7:56 pm)  
 _I cannot believe you right now. Here I thought I was talking with a man who had refined taste, who would know better than this. But clearly I'm asking too much.  
_ _Hmph, I guess you can’t expect much from a man who wears fur._

(7:56 pm)  
How can you even say that, you're best friends with the guy?! Shouldn't you be his number one fan?

(7:57 pm)  
 _Oh he knows I don't care for that drivel. It's his worst selling series too so he doesn’t mind anyway._  
 _It's gaining popularity for some reason at the moment though - I swear if it gets a movie deal..._

(7:57 pm)  
Considering I don’t go a day without hearing about him now I wouldn’t hold your breath.   
I mean, that might be because he lives here but you think the way radio stations go on about the guy he personally built every building in the goddamn city.  
While under attack from dragons.

(7:58 pm)  
 _Don’t say that around him, you might give him ideas. Or a bigger ego._  
  
(7:58 pm)  
 _Wait.  
_  
(7:58 pm)  
 _You said you live in the same city as Varric?_  
  
(7:59 pm)  
Yes…?  
I’ve lived in Telas for a few years now.  


(8:00 pm)  
 _Then we live closer to each other than I thought._  
 _In the same city, in fact._  
  
(8:02 pm)  
Maker’s breath.  
  
(8:02 pm)  
 _I know this place is said to be ‘large’ and that’s like saying Val Royeaux is a little bit fancy._  
 _But it’s fun to entertain the thought we may meet one day, hm?_

(8:03 pm)  
That would be…  
  
(8:04 pm)  
something.  
  
(8:04 pm)  
We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?  
  
(8:05 pm)  
 _...Of course._

-x-

To:Cassandra  
From: Cullen

(8:44 pm)  
Cassandra help.  
Shit, I just found out that Dorian lives here.  
Like, /here/ here.  
I could run into him at any moment, Maker help me.

(8:47 pm)  
 _And is that such a bad thing?_

(8:48 pm)  
...yes?????  
I've already told him shit I haven't told anybody except you.  
Like, shit about Samson.   
Before Kirkwall.  
This is going somewhere I don't like Cassandra, I don't like this.

(8:48 pm)  
 _Remember, part of the healing process is being able to look back on your past.  
_ _You’re opening up.  
_ _That’s a good thing._

(8:49 pm)  
No, you don’t understand. 

(8:49 pm)  
I’ve only just met this guy - he has no idea what he’s getting into.  
  
(8:49 pm)  
The last thing I want to do is burden him with the sorts of things I talk about with you.  
  
(8:49 pm)  
Fuck, things like this happen and suddenly it feels like that first day I walked into rehab and met you.  
Maker knows how I made a friend in you after the way you saw me those first few weeks.

(8:50 pm)  
 _You say that, and yet you were the only person in the room that day that hadn't been forced there. You came because you wanted to change._  
 _You are stronger than you think, Cullen. So many men have failed where you have succeeded._

(8:50 pm)  
And yet I'm still terrified I'm going to relapse.

(8:51 pm)  
 _You are aware of the risks. That’s not a bad thing, especially when they're so numerous._  
  
(8:51 pm)  
But what if it’s more than just being 'aware of the risks'?  
I still have cravings for the Maker forsaken stuff, is it that crazy to think it could become too much one day? We both know a lyrium addiction is basically a death sentence as it is.  


(8:52 pm)  
 _Of course not, we both know it is entirely plausible. But you’re the first person in years to have succeeded this long in resisting temptation, I don't need to remind you the sort of tabs they keep on these things. Making it this far is not an accomplishment to scoff_ _at._  
  
(8:52 pm)  
You’re telling me - the check I get every week says that much. I feel like doctors are far too interested in my recovery.

(8:52 pm)  
 _And it's not for good reason?_  
 _Look, even if your strength fails you - and it won’t - your pride will stop you instead. You know you’ve come this far, I know you aren’t willing to fall after all you've been through._

(8:53 pm)  
I know.  


(8:53 pm)  
 _I know you know as well.That's why I say it Cullen. You need to hear it._

(8:54 pm)  
...Thank you.

(8:54 pm)  
 _You’re welcome Cullen. Remember, you have the strength and support to do this. You’ve come so far._

(8:55 pm)  
  
I still don't think I'll organise anything with him just yet though. I need a little more time… I’m not sure I’m ready yet.

(8:55 pm)  
 _You don't have to explain yourself to me if you don’t want to Cullen._

(8:56 pm)  
And if I want to?

(8:56 pm)  
 _Then I’m always willing to listen._  
  
(8:56 pm)  


-x-  
  
To: Dorian

From: Cullen  
  
(9:43 am)  
 _Uh._  
  
(9:43 am)  
 _Wow, this is harder than I thought it’d be._  
  
(9:44 am)  
 _I thought I should text and apologise. I feel like I overstepped some sort of line when I texted you yesterday, and I completely understand if this isn’t something you want to follow up in real life_  
  
(9:44 am)  
 _I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Truth be told, I *enjoy* our little conversations. It like, life goes on, and these funny little conversations fill the spaces in between everything else that goes on around here.  
Didn’t quite realise how many gaps there were either, but I guess that’s one of the joys of our little arrangement we have here._

(9:45 am)  
 _You know its been nearly a month since you had a cat throw up on your shoes? I would say happy anniversary but that seems a little silly considering we're essentially celebrating the date that some stray decided that your shoes were the most delightful place to upchuck. I'm kind of impressed it even happened in the first place though. What were you even doing?_  


(9:46 am)  
 _Ugh, I’m getting sidetracked. The point is, I really hope this hasn’t put too much of a dent in this weird relationship friendship thing we have going here. Hopefully I can continue pestering you?_   
  
(1:23 pm)  
Maker’s breath-  
  
(1:23 pm)  
Dorian, it’s okay, you’re fine. That was all my fault for not handling the situation properly.  
  
(1:24 pm)  
 _I refuse to take that as your answer._  
 _I’ve *never* seen you drop out of a conversation that fast._  
  
(1:24 pm)  
...What would I have to do to make you genuinely believe “it’s not you, its me”?  
  
(1:25 pm)  
 _Oh please, do tell if you find out. It’d be fascinating for the both of us._  
  
(1:25 pm)  
Maker be damned.  
  
(1:26 pm)  
I just freaked out a bit when you said you wanted to meet up with me. Or that there’s the possibility of it.  
My life has been a series of… Less than savory circumstances. People don’t generally look forward to seeing me.  
  
(1:27 pm)  
Ah, that’s probably the worst thing I could tell you, isn’t it?  
  
(1:27 pm)  
 _On the contrary, it’s nice to hear life hasn’t been easy for you either._  
  
(1:28 pm)  
Wait, really?  
  
(1:28 pm)  
 _Do I need to elaborate? Let me count the ways that this despicable world likes to bend me over and then *promptly* show me the middle finger._  
 _My best friend has cancer, I still live in our old apartment because his dad owns it and I don’t have enough money to go anywhere else. And I work at his dad’s cafe because again, my credentials don't mean shit anywhere else since Tevinter is a piece of shit and I left in a hurry. You tell me that being entirely dependant on two people for your survival is ‘easy’ and we’ll see where that gets you._

(1:29 pm)  
Dorian, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.  
  
(1:29 pm)  
 _I don’t exactly make it common knowledge, so that’s understandable._  
 _I do truly have it better than some people, but it’s hard when it’s my life I’m living every day._  
  
(1:30 pm)  
I was there when Kinloch went down.   
  
(1:30 pm)  
I  
  
(1:30 pm)  
I saw so many terrifying things there - and then I went to Kirkwall and was in the underground there when the Kirkwall Drug Riots started, when that fanatic Anders blew up the Chantry and basically turned the entire city on itself.  
I don’t know how I made it out alive.  
  
(1:31 pm)  
 _Fasta vass, you must have heavenly luck or something._  
  
(1:32 pm)  
Trust me, if I had heavenly luck I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near those places to begin with.  
I… Did some bad things before I came back to Telas. I’m not proud of the man I once was.  
  
(1:40 pm)   
_Sorry, had a few customers._  
  
(1:41 pm)  
 _But the important thing is you’re not him now, right?_  
  
(1:42 pm)  
Some days I wonder.  
  
(1:42 pm)  
 _I come from Tevinter, Cullen. I know what bad to the bone people are like and you, Cullen, couldn’t be one if you tried._  
  
(1:42 pm)  
And how do you know that?  
  
(1:43 pm)  
 _Generally after texting somebody everyday for ridiculous amounts of time you tend to get a sense of their personality._  
 _Also you are far too nice to be catfishing, so there’s that._  
  
(1:44 pm)  
I’m… Honored?  
  
(1:44 pm)  
 _It’s the truth._  
  
(1:45 pm)  
Shit, you sound just like my friend Cassandra.  
  
(1:45 pm)  
 _...I'm hoping that’s a good thing._  
  
(1:46 pm)   
Oh it's definitely a good thing. She keeps me on the right path.

(1:46 pm)  
 _Sounds like a decent woman to me then._

(1:47 pm)  
As good as they get. Also has great taste in books.

(1:48 pm)  
 _...Please don't tell me she reads Swords and Shields.  
  
_ (1:48 pm)  
 _She does, doesn’t she._

(1:49 pm)  
 _Maker forbid, I had respect for her up until then._

(1:49 pm)  
And if she hears you say that she'll roundhouse kick you into the sun.   
I've seen her do it, it's actually rather entertaining.  
Also if she hadn't shown me the books I wouldn't even know who Varric is, which I'm sure you'll agree is the bigger crime here.

(1:50 pm)  
 _Yeah, no._  
 _Varric has the biggest ego on the planet, it'd be good for it to be brought down a couple of notches by at least one Maker forsaken person not knowing who he is._

(1:50 pm)  
And you’re the one talking?  
Kirkwallers do have big egos though.

(1:51 pm)  
 _You're telling me. Tevinter's much worse though. You'd think my parents had been stabbed in the side of the neck the way they carried on sometimes.._

(1:52 pm)  
They sound like delightful people.

(1:52 pm)  
 _Oh of course. Their kind and caring nature is the very reason I'm now on the other side of the continent to them._  
 _Also there is now an absurdly large group coming into the cafe so I'll have to run for now._

(1:53 pm)  
Alright. Also Dorian?

(1:53 pm)  
 _Hm?_  


(1:53 pm)  
Happy anniversary.  


(1:54 pm)  


  
  



	4. Descend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen discovers a few things - one he's a bit more willing to share with friends than the other.

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(1:12 pm)  
Okay there is definitely a cat in my apartment, I swear on the Maker’s beard.  
  
(1:13 pm)  
 _Really._  
  
(1:13 pm)   
Don’t use that tone with me.  
There is fur all over my couch. And before you say it, my coat is hanging up in my room.

(1:14 pm)   
Also its orange fur, so it's definitely not from my coat.  
  
(1:14 pm)   
_Oh, my heart is just a little more at ease knowing you’re not wearing bright orange fur. It looks terrible with blonde hair._  
  
 _I’m still not convinced though._  
  
(1:15 pm)   
I’m starting to think it’ll be impossible to convince you. At least I’m not living a lie.  
  
(1:15 pm)  
 _And here I was starting to think I was the melodramatic one out of the two of us._  
  
(1:16 pm)   
Oh no, you still hold that title. I’m not sure there’d be anything left of you if I removed all your mellodramaticness.   
  
(1:16 pm)  
 _I don’t think that’s a word, Cullen._  
  
(1:16 pm)  
And yet it describes you perfectly.  
  
(1:17 pm)  
 _Oooh, Cullen is bringing out the sass. I’m shaking in my tailor made Antivan leather boots._

(1:17 pm)  
And you’re the one acting like I have the sass problem.  
  
(1:17 pm)  
 _Now when did I ever say that?_  
  
(1:18 pm)   
You know what.  
  
(1:18 pm)   
No.  
  
(1:18 pm)

I’m not doing this today.  
  
(1:19 pm)   
_Oh my._  
  
(1:19 pm)  
You’re insufferable.  
  
(1:20 pm)  
 _You put up with me though, so it’s okay._  
  
(1:20 pm)  
Maker knows how I do it some days.  
Anything interesting happening with you?  
  
(1:21 pm)  
 _‘Interesting’ is the right word for it._  
 _I’m in the hospital again, visiting hours are just about to end though. Felix seems… Alright._  
  
(1:21 pm)  
That sounds ominous.  
  
(1:22 pm)  
 _He should have been let out a few days ago, but the doctors are keeping him. They’re saying he could be here another two weeks._  
 _Apparently they had some abnormal results in the tests. Felix might have to go through chemo._  
  
(1:22 pm)  
Shit, I’m sorry. Chemo’s rough.

(1:23 pm)  
 _Yeah. I’ve seen the people that come out of there. Hopefully Felix will fare better, although I will miss the little hair he has._  
  
(1:23 pm)  
 _Alexius is beside himself though. I think he’s been commuting here ever day to be with Felix, he’s spending such absurd amounts on petrol its unbelievable._  
 _Family love, what can I say?_  
  
(1:24 pm)  
Felix sounds like a strong man, I’m sure the three of you will be fine.  
  
(1:24 pm)  
 _Cancer has torn apart ‘stronger’ families than this._  
  
(1:24 pm)  
 _Sorry, that came out a bit blunt._  
  
(1:25 pm)  
No, it’s fine. I know the feeling.  
When Samson got sick after a while I couldn’t handle it. His funeral is one of the only things I was lucid for at that time. I probably know that feeling even better than you do.  
  
(1:25 pm)  
 _Was this while you were at Kinloch?_  
  
(1:26 pm)  
Yeah.  
  
(1:27 pm)  
 _Do you mind me asking what happened there?_  
  
(1:28 pm)  
I  
  
(1:29 pm)

I’m sorry, I do.  
  
(1:30 pm)  
 _It’s okay Cullen, I was just curious. I hope I didn’t make you too uncomfortable._  
  
(1:30 pm)  
I know you didn’t mean anything by it.  
  
(1:30 pm)  
 _I need to leave the hospital now anyway. Talk to you later?_  
  
(1:30 pm)  
See you.   
  
-x-

 

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(9:14 am)  
Dorian.

(9:14 am)  
Dorian.

(9:14 am)  
I walked into my kitchen and /look what I found in my sink/.  
[You have sent a picture!](https://41.media.tumblr.com/9cbd0de89e9d6c1b58d3637077345937/tumblr_inline_nsud9hi5cq1qjs6wb_540.jpg)

(9:15 am)  
_Well, I'll be damned._

(9:15 am)  
He's just sitting there.

(9:15 am)  
We've been staring at each other for the past two minutes.

(9:15 am)  
I don’t think he’s blinked yet.  
  
(9:15 am)  
I'm

(9:16 am)  
Not sure what to do.

(9:16 am)  
_Well, does he look like he's going to hurt you?_  
_I mean, the picture makes him look quite friendly, if a bit mischievous._  
_Quite fitting, honestly._

(9:17 am)  
No.  
  
(9:17 am)  
You’re right, he looks… Happy?  
  
(9:18 am)  
I just started petting him.

(9:19 am)  
He's purring.

(9:20 am)  
...I think he likes me.

(9:20 am)  
_Well, I could have told you that._

(9:21 am)  
He's so young! I thought he'd be an older cat but he doesn't look much older than a kitten.

(9:22 am)  
Does my apartment allow pets?

(9:22 am)  
_Are you seriously considering taking him in?_

(9:23 am)  
...Is it bad that I'm thinking yes?  
It does get lonely around here.

(9:24 am)  
_Well, I do hope you're not allergic._

(9:24 am)  
Yeah, no, he wouldn't last long around here if that was the case.

(9:25 am)  
I think I need to go buy some stuff. And make a vet appointment.

(9:26 am)  
_What, and leave the poor kitty all alone?_

(9:26 am)  
Haha, very funny. I'll leave the window open for him.

(9:26 am)  
Oh my god I left the window open.

(9:26 am)  
/That's how he was getting in/.

(9:27 am)  
_What? Aren't you on the fourth floor?_

(9:27 am)  
Yeah, but my apartment is weird. My bathroom window basically opens up onto the next buildings roof and I leave it open to air out the bathroom. I must have left it open during the day while I went out and this cat must have taken advantage of the warm house.

(9:28 am)  
This cat is a genius.

(9:28 am)  
_A genius who also might have rabies._

(9:29 am)  
I'm calling the vet now, you asshole.

(9:30 am)  
 _You know you love me._  
  


-x-  
  
“Josie, come on. I haven’t had a chance to pet him at all!”   
  
“Surely you don’t want to bother him though? He looks like he’s just gotten comfortable.”  
  
“But I want to pet him too!” Leliana whined, nudging her best friend’s side. Josiephine just laughed in reply, but her dainty fingers didn’t slow. They continued their slow, soothing pattern down the spine of the cat in her lap. A content purr rumbled from the creature’s throat, eyes closed in satisfaction.

“There’s nothing stopping you from scratching his chin.” Josephine said, tone light. It was obvious from the slight smirk on her face though that she was enjoying holding all the cards for once. When it came to Leliana, that didn’t tend to happen very often.  
  
“But I want to hold him.” The redhead stressed in reply. She had the cutest pout on her face, like a child who’d had their favorite toy taken from them. “You’ve had him since I got here - and before that too!”

"He's a cat, Leliana." Cassandra said, shaking her head. "Just let Josephine have her for now, and he'll come and bother you when you don't want him to. That's how they work."

"I know, but I just want to give him one little scratch!”

“Ladies please, Josephine's been here longer than both of you and Leo's happy, try and keep it civil.” Cullen said, laughing as he stirred the pasta sauce simmering over the heat. The rich, creamy scent wafted over the apartment, encompassing the small living space the four of them were in. While the man didn’t always have it in him to cook, a fact Leliana could vouch for, he was a whizz at making simple meals. His alfredo was a particular favorite of Josephine's, and since she had been kind enough to pick him up from the pet store earlier he found it only fair to return the favor.

"But Cullen, it's surely my turn to pet him." She insisted.

"Let the poor cat choose where he wants to go." He replied, an amused lith to his tone. "I mean, he's been stray for who knows how long, it's a miracle he's as friendly as he is. Let him do what he wants."

"And honestly, I don't think he's going anywhere for the moment." Josephine added on, giggling. Leliana just shook her head, getting a complacent look in on her face which just made Cullen chuckle. With that, he knew she was going to have that cat on her lap by the end of the night - now it was just a matter of when.

"So you said he's been stalking around your apartment for the past month, yes?"

"More or less." Cullen replied, filling another pot with water and setting it to boil. "If I went out during the day I'd forget to shut the window in my bathroom I leave open after my shower. Leo found the place, thought it was warm and has been coming in and out ever since. I was lucky I caught him a few days ago."

"He's a very smart kitty." Josephine cooed.

"Are you talking to us or the cat?" Leliana asked, smiling.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, if it means you're going to ignore us completely." Cassandra said, before turning to Leliana. "Honestly, the way you go on about cats makes me wonder why you haven't gotten one already."

"Snooples the second is still alive." Leliana replied, crossing her arms. "I am many things, but I am not a traitor."

"Maker, this is why I don't have you three over." Cullen said, laughing. "And to think Dorian's first comment was finally accepting the fact I wasn't lying!"

Suddenly Leo's face wasn't the only predatory look in the room.

"Dorian, hm?" Josephine said.

"I didn't know you were on a first name basis with him." Leliana replied, leaning forward with her chin in her hands."How intriguing."

"Can we at least leave the interrogation until the food's done?" Cullen pleaded, gesturing somewhat wildly to the near finished food. He could see the girls going to venomously and gloriously deny him. But before he could Leo got to his feet, stretched, and then plopped himself firmly in Leliana's lap. The resulting look of victory on the woman's face was almost terrifying.

"I guess we can wait a few minutes." Leliana said slowly - if she was a cat Cullen wasn't sure which of the two would be purring more loudly. Meanwhile Josephine looked as if she couldn't decide who's betrayal hurt more and Cassandra hadn't moved her face from her hands since the whole situation had started. Cullen could hear her noise of disgust from the other side of the room.

Unfortunately, it took next to no time for the pasta to cook and with dinner served he was again at the mercy of Leliana and Josephine. Cassandra tried to start another conversation, asking Leliana about the new MMO she'd been getting into. Besides a few comments on her party (she had been travelling around with a elven mage and an ogre warrior and getting to know the later) she remained tight lipped. It was honestly a pointless cause to begin with - Cullen knew Leliana thrived on gossip and secrets, and once she was focused she would not be swayed. He flashed Cassandra a thankful smile anyway.

“So, how long have you been on first name basis?” She asked, reclining in into the sofa with the air of a woman who was in her element.  
  
“You make that sound like it’s an extraordinary achievement.” Cullen replied. “I found it out after the second day he texted me.”  
  
“What’s he like?” Josephine asked. Cullen paused after a moment, leaning forward in his seat and putting his pasta to the side. How did he describe Dorian?  
  
“He’s well mannered, with a good sense of humour. Up himself, but in the best way. He knows how to laugh at himself and you can’t help but laugh along too. Flirty as well… Yeah. Ah, also seems pretty good at taking my shit so thats a plus.”   
  
He forgot how a person’s gaze could have such a physical weight to them. He was remembering that in minute detail now.  
  
“...Do you like him?” Leliana asked, wiggling her eyebrows. And to that? Cullen couldn’t quite find the words because well, saying no would be a lie. He could say what he liked, but at the end of the day there was a certain draw he felt towards Dorian that extended beyond curiosity and the innocence of friendship. Not to say that he wanted to defile the man - if anything Dorian would be the one doing the defiling, and wasn’t that a thought to make him trip over words he hadn’t even said? But if a relationship was just a friendship but with just a little bit more, well, he knew Dorian knew how to be just a little bit more. He was pretty sure that was how the man lived his day to day life, larger than life. He certainly seemed that way over text, anyway.  
  
But at the same time he hadn’t even seen the man, heard his voice. Dorian lacked a certain tangibility in his life that every other part of his life, stable or not, seemed to hold. That, he realised, was holding him back more than anything else. After all, how was he supposed to fully trust a person who he felt could disappear at the click of a button? How in love could he really be just with pixels on a screen?   
  
(He didn’t want to answer that.)  
  
Thankfully he didn’t have to say anything - unfortunately that was because his cheeks had going bright red, the flush spreading down his neck and really that's all that the two girls needed to know.  
  
"You like him! You **like** him! Oh, this is the best thing I've heard all day!" Josephine giggled, clapping and almost spilling the pasta precariously balanced on her lap.

"It's not that simple!" Cullen said.

"Josephine, he's right." Leliana said, with a serious expression. "He could like Dorian... Or he could _like_ like Dorian." The two girls burst into giggles again, making Cullen shake his head.

"Maker, and to think I was terrified of you when I first moved into my apartment."

"Was?" Leliana said, trying to hold back her laughter.

"More terrified than I am now." Cullen clarified, rolling his eyes. Satisfied, Leliana took another bite of her meal, her curiosity seemingly sated for now - considering this was a woman who was scheming about ten different things at the same time Cullen wasn't sure he should take the lull in questioning as a comfort. Josephine was still ecstatic though, furiously beginning to question him on if he was going to do anything (not yet), if he’d thought much about it (not at all) and what if Dorian made a move? Her final question left him even more flustered than before and stammering like an idiot. Dorian was doing that already and did make the effort to ‘flirt’ with him on a regular basis, but what if he wasn’t joking? Or Dorian was joking and he accidently took it seriously? They were questions that he didn’t really want to be entertaining in company - something Josephine seemed to thankfully realise not too long after.   
  
At last conversation finally shifted onto other topics, work and general day to day life taking the limelight and letting Cullen finally relax for what felt like the first time all night. He let his meal warm him from the inside out, content to stay quiet as his friends talked. Josephine filled the silence effortlessly, spinning a tale of a party she had been to that had resulted in some quite unsavory situations for the home owners and some small clothes pinned to a letterbox or two. Cassandra seemed intent to try and pick apart the story ruthlessly, and didn’t really seem to believe the tale until Leliana finally piped up and confirmed that yes, it was her smallclothes on that letterbox and it was worth every second of it.  
  
Eventually though, time ran late and everybody had to go. Leo, thankfully, didn’t seem to give two shits, curling up in the warm spot that Leliana had made as soon as she stood up. Everybody said their goodbyes, Leliana confirming her plans with Cassandra to meet up for coffee at their usual time and place, Josiephine mock swooning into Cullen’s arm and going on about how could she ever leave. It wasn’t until Josephine had grabbed Leliana’s hand and whisked her out that Cullen realised that Cassandra had remained behind, milling at the door.  
  
“Is that what you meant?” She asked, “When you said you ‘weren’t ready yet’, is that what you were saying?”  
  
“...I guess.” Cullen said, shrugging. “I just - I haven’t even met him Cassandra and even if he wanted to he hasn’t met me. And I… I haven’t been with a man before... Not properly. Not in a relationship.”  
  
“I know.” Cassandra replied. Cullen reached for her hand; the woman responded by dragging Cullen into a hug that was more muscle than warmth but was so inherently passionate and so _Cassandra_ that Cullen couldn’t help but hug her back. “Don’t let that stop you.” She murmured into his chest. “You deserve to have somebody special in your life - you’re a good man, Cullen.”  
  
“I’m hearing that a lot recently.” Cullen replied, chuckling as he cracked a smile. “Maybe I’ll eventually believe it.”  
  
“Well, I’ll be telling you that until you do.”  
  
There were no words for Cullen to put into words his feelings for Cassandra then - he let his actions speak volumes instead, hugging her just that little bit tighter. He could feel her content hum in reply in his chest, a balm over a too sensitive heart and when they parted it was with lifted spirits.  
  
When he finally lay down to sleep that night with a tabby cat spooned into his stomach still purring, purring away, it was with the comfort of a rare day where nothing had gone wrong swaddling his shoulders.


	5. Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is never straightforward, and neither is life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Perceived non-con at the end of the chapter. (In reality, sex was consenting from all parties, but were under the influence of drugs).

To: The Iron Bull  
From: Dorian

(7:08 am)  
**You know that girl Sera comes to our yoga class, right?**

(7:08 am)  
**Funny chick, actually. She can hook both her feet behind her ears like its nothing. Haven’t seen anybody do that in years besides Miss Instructor, and Sera actually makes it look fun.**

(7:09 am)  
**Laughs a bit loud though, think instructor's getting a bit sick of her shit, although I'm pretty sure the whole class would take her antics over instructor any day.**

(7:09 am)  
**You'd know this if you hadn't blown me off for the past two weeks.**

(7:12 am)  
_Sorry bull, it's been kind of hard with Felix and all. Between him and Alexius I’ve been really burnt out. I just... Have needed some space._

(7:13 am)  
**Look, I know Felix means a lot to you, but you're going to go stir crazy if you don't go out. You spend too much time around Alexius and you get twitchy.**

(7:13 am)  
**Note I said go out, not 'socialise'. Texting Cullen does not count as being social.**

(7:14 am)  
_Is being social for my bloody day job not enough for you Bull? Do you really think the first thing I think coming home every night is 'Oh boy! I haven't interacted with enough people today!' Fun fact, working in retail makes you sick of people, and I don't need you coddling me._  
_Fuck, you don’t see me tearing your MMO ‘fascination’ apart, even though it’d be so easy to. You know why? Because I’m your *friend*. Not your mother. I trust that you know what you're doing - and I don't think you're returning that same level of trust.  
_

(7:14 am)  
 **Then again Dorian, there’s a difference between being introverted and needing a break, and literally not coming out of your room except for the necessities.**  
  
(7:15 am)  
_And what would that be? You’re on a mic for the entire time? Just because you get to slay dragons and chat up woman on the other side of the world because you're just that cool doesn’t inherently make your life better than mine.  
__Even if that bird-spy woman you seem to be getting to know would say otherwise._

(7:16 am)  
 **She’s a harpy bard, not a bird-spy.  
And no Dorian, the difference is I know when to put the controller down and actually go outside. Meet up with people. Get some fresh air instead of moping around inside drinking myself stupid for entertainment.**  
  
(7:16 am)  
 _You forgot to mention your perfect sex life! Clearly your life is everything mine should aspire to be. Should I go join the Qun for a few years too? Because that worked so well for you!_

(7:18 am)  
 **I**  
  
(7:19 am)  
 **You’re right Dorian. I’m sorry, I overstepped a line there.**

(7:19 am)  
 _You only just realised? Good job! Got any other bright revelations for me today? Oooh, how about the fact I’m a dirty fucking Vint? I’ve never heard that one before!_  
  
(7:20 am)  
 **Dorian this isn’t what I intended.**  
  
(7:21 am)  
 _Well, it's what you got. Deal with it._  
  
(7:21 am)  
 **You know I only have the uttermost respect for you Dorian. If it weren’t for you I’d still be neck deep in the Qun and we both know that would be a much worse situation for me. The gang has its upsides but in the end it's still a gang, and I still have no idea why I'm not addicted to that lyrium shit.**

(7:22 am)  
**I'm saying all this because I care Dorian. You can’t just sit around and mope. What happened to the man I met who would flirt with anything that moved?**

(7:22 am)  
 _Reality bitch slapped him._  
  
(7:23 am)  
 **I didn’t realise all it would take was a bitch slap to knock the infamous Dorian off his feet.**  
 **Point is, maybe try and meet up for drinks later this week with me and the boys? Maybe try and make it to yoga next week? I don’t want Felix’s illness to become your entire life.**  
  
(7:14 am)  
 _No promises._  
  
(7:15 am)  
 **Okay.**  
  
-x-  
  
To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(7:59 am)  
 _I can’t quite decide whether I’m happy Halloween’s over because it means no more pumpkin spice, or to start cringing already because now hails in the season of nutmeg._  
  
(11:25 am)  
Do you just hate anything festive?

(11:28 am)  
 _Please, I can be just as festive as the next person._  
 _You try preparing pumpkin spice lattes for weeks on end though and then tell me the holiday spirit is kind of lacking in your sweet little heart._  
  
(11:29 am)  
Okay, point taken.   
  
(11:30 am)  
Also you’re up surprisingly late today. Don’t you usually get up reasonably early in the mornings?  
  
(11:30 am)  
_Usually, yeah._

(11:33 am)  
And today is different because...?

(11:35 am)  
Sorry if I'm slow at replying, my phone’s hurting my eyes.  
I'm not feeling good today. Pretty sick. Have been for a few days.

(11:35 am)  
 _Ugh, I hate when that happens. Are you doing okay?_  
  
(11:36 am)  
I’m used to it. Just really thirsty.   
  
(11:36 am)  
 _I’m not sure what planet you live on Cullen, but being used to being sick is not generally a way of life. Also get yourself a glass of water._  
  
(11:37 am)  
And I’m not the average person, so.  
  
(11:37 am)  
 _Surely it doesn’t matter how special you are, you can just pick up a phone and make an appointment and get that all checked out._  
  
(11:38 am)    
Things aren’t that simple for me Dorian.   
  
(11:39 am)  
 _And why not?_  
  
(11:40 am)  
Dorian, I’m not having this conversation with you.  
  
(11:40 am)  
 _I’m only asking because sometimes you just need the metaphorical kick in the ass._  
 _I know as wonderful as I am I need it sometimes._  
  
(11:42 am)  
I’m too tired for this.  
I’m going to sleep before I snap at you.  
Going to get another drink.  
Talk later.  
  
(11:42 am)  
 _...Sleep well, Cullen._  
  
-x-  
  
To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(3:18 pm)  
Okay, wow, that read so much worse than I thought it did.  
  
(3:18 pm)  
Sorry for snapping at you, getting like this takes a lot out of me and I didn’t want to say anything to you that I’d regret later.  
...I’m not sure how well that worked but I guess that’s why I’m telling you??  
  
(3:20 pm)  
 _I figured as much._  
 _It's okay, you’re sick and I’d be kind of a royal ass to pull you up on that.  
Not to be confused with my actual royal ass, which is incredible as per usual._

(3:21pm)  
I have never met anybody more egotistical in my life.  
Also just because I'm sick doesn’t mean I get to lash out at you whenever I please. I'm not using it as an excuse.

(3:21 pm)  
 _Cullen, you didn’t say anything that offended me. If anything, frankly I was just shocked you were being so blunt. You’re fine._  
  
(3:21 pm)  
Sorry.  
  
(3:22 pm)  
 _There’s no need to apologise, but it's okay._  
 _How’s Leo taking it? Two weeks after you get the poor cat and you’re sick as a dog._  
  
(3:22 pm)  
Ha, when you put it like that it sounds bad, doesn’t it?

(3:23 pm)  
He’s good. He’s curled up by my feet at the moment.  
He’s been following me around since I started feeling unwell. I think he knows I needed him.  
  
(3:23 pm)  
 _What a good cat._  
  
(3:24 pm)  
Yeah, until you realise that he threw up in the living room.  
I owe Leliana a big one for cleaning that mess up.

(3:24 pm)  
 _He didn’t._

(3:25 pm)  
Oh, he did. Wasn’t a fan of the dried kibble I got him. At least I know not to get that brand again.   
  
(3:25 pm)  
Either that or he’s protesting I didn’t give him the rest of the tuna I tried eating this morning.  
That was not one of my brightest ideas.  
  
(3:26 pm)  
 _...You didn’t._  
  
(3:27 pm)  
I get really bad cravings when I’m like this. Tuna sounded like a good idea at the time!  
  
(3:27 pm)  
 _Fasta vass, Cullen how are you even still alive?_  
  
(3:27 pm)  
I’ve been asking myself that for a while now and I still don’t know.  
But yeah, I think Leo was sort of offended that I wasted perfectly good fish. So he protested.  
  
(3:28 pm)  
By throwing up.  
  
(3:28 pm)   
Maker, what sort of cat have I adopted?  
  
(3:28 pm)  
 _One that seems adamant on making history repeat itself._  
 _I suggest keeping any shoes in the closet for now._  
  
(3:29 pm)  
Why would you s-  
  
(3:29 pm)  
OH.  
  
(3:29 am)  
Yeah, that asshole cat in the alley kind of ruined my day. That’s the last time I get Cassandra to write down anything with numbers in it, that’s for sure.   
I mean yes, that was the easiest way to get her new phone number but surely there had to be a better way.

(3:30 pm)  
She’s a wonderful woman but Maker, even a doctor has better handwriting than her.  
  
(3:30 pm)  
 _What, are you saying texting me and falling into the best friendship of your little life wasn’t the best outcome?_

(3:31 pm)  
I mean considering I ended up meeting Cassandra in socks and sandals-

(3:31 pm)  
-Maker please Dorian, your ego is showing.  
  
(3:31 pm)  
 _Okay we can get back to how amazing I am in a second but let’s take a step back here and consider what you just said._  
  
(3:32 pm)  
 _You went out  
_

(3:32 pm)  
 _In PUBLIC._  
  
(3:32 pm)  
 _Wearing SOCKS AND SANDALS._

(3:32 pm)  
Maker forgive me what have I done.  
  
(3:33 pm)  
 _I don’t know if we can be friends anymore frankly._  
  
(3:34 pm)  
I didn’t do it because I wanted to! I do have some class Dorain.  
  
(3:34 pm)  
 _But you *did*_

(3:34 pm)  
 _That’s the point!_  
  
(3:35 pm)  
It was cold, okay? And plus, my socks and sandals were both black so people would only notice if they were looking too hard at me.  
  
(3:35 pm)  
 _Says the Disney Prince. Like not looking too hard is even an option._

(3:35 pm)  
You don’t even know what I look like!

(3:36 pm)  
 _You literally described yourself as that, don’t you remember?_  
  
(3:36 pm)  
Did I forget to mention I’m half as attractive?  
  
(3:36 pm)  
 _Yeah, like I believe that._  
  
(3:37 pm)  
Your fault.  
Also Cassandra was the only person that noticed my feet that day anyway. She still gives me shit for it, but that's besides the point.  
  
(3:37 pm)  
 _Honestly, the more I hear of Cassandra the more I like her._  
  
(3:37 pm)  
 _Well, except the ‘genuinely likes Swords and Shields’ part._  
  
(3:37 pm)  
I fall under that too you know.  
  
(3:38 pm)  
 _Alas, this is true. I guess you’re an example of the fact that these sorts of things don’t define you._  
  
(3:38 pm)  
I mean, I’d argue that you’re also a pretty good example of that.  
  
(3:38 pm)  
 _A good example, how? That somebody can be devilishly good looking, witty and have a heart of gold all at the same time?_

(3:39 pm)  
Well, I was going to go with the fact you’re from Tevinter, incredibly flamboyant and started from basically nothing. I mean, being from Tevinter alone must get you a bunch of dirty looks.  
  
(3:39 pm)  
 _Only before 4pm._  
  
(3:39 pm)  
But that’s my point! You somehow can just go ‘nope screw that that’s not me’. I wish I could do that, honestly. It's kind of inspiring.  
  
(3:40 pm)  
 _I wanted to retort with something witty as per usual but honestly? Thank you._  
  
(3:40 pm)  
 _(Although you do realise I’m not just flamboyant, right?)_  
_(Like I'm gay.)_  
_(100% gay.)_

(3:41 pm)  
Well I had my suspicions… I didn’t want to assume anything though.  
  
(3:41 pm)  
 _You must be the first person alive to do that. Truly,Armageddon is nigh.  
But yes, hello, my name is Dorian. I like men. _  
  
(3:41 pm)  
I can just feel the sarcasm rolling off you in waves.  
  
(3:42 pm)  
 _Oh, it can be felt across entire cities now? Clearly my power is growing stronger, I’ll be raising the dead and striking fear into people's hearts before we know it._  
  
(3:42 pm)  
 _Although while we’re on honestly hour, where abouts do your interests lie?_  
  
(3:45 pm)  
 _No pressure to answer, of course. Maker, if anybody knows how that feels it’s me._  
  
(3:45 pm)  
I.  
  
(3:45 pm)  
It's not something I’m usually comfortable talking about.  
  
(3:45 pm)  
 _Then we don’t have to._  
  
(3:46 pm)  
No, it's not that.  
  
(3:46 pm)  
I’m just  
  
(3:47 pm)  
It's something I’ve thought on a lot for various reasons. I’ve had… a lot of flings in my time.  
  
(3:48 pm)  
‘Bi’ is probably the best label for it though.  
  
(3:48 pm)  
 _Double the choice, double the pleasure?_

(3:48 pm)  
Something like that.  
  
(3:49 pm)  
 _Mmmn, sometimes I wish I had more appreciation for the female form. I mean, it is gorgeous but…_  
  
(3:49 pm)  
Honestly if anything I sort of envy you. At least you /knew/.   
Try going from firmly straight to.  
  
(3:49 pm)  
Well.  
  
(3:50 pm)  
Not.  
  
(3:50 pm)  
 _Oh you say that like I wasn’t in denial myself for a very long time.  
It seems like we’re kindred spirits in many ways._  
  
(3:51 pm)  
 _-Maker be damned, the coffee machine just started having a fit. Text you later?_  
  
(3:51 pm)  
Text you later. 

-x-

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

  
(9:49 pm)  
Leo threw up in my shoes.  
  
(9:49 pm)  
I don’t even know how he got into my closet, it's been closed all day.  
  
(9:49 pm)  
I am done with life.  
  
(9:49 pm)  
Just.  
  
(9:49 pm)  
Maker what have I done to deserve this.  
  
(9:55 pm)  
Don’t answer that.  
  
(9:59 pm)  
 _I wasn’t going to. Honestly I’m just impressed after all that history repeated itself.  
  
_ (9:59 pm)  
Bury me alive.  
  
(10:00 pm)  
I’m going to try and sleep, I’ve had enough madness for today and I can feel my headache coming back. Hopefully I can beat it.  
  
(10:00 pm)  
 _Then sleep well and feel better soon, yes?_  
  
(10:01 pm)  
I’ll try. 

 

-x-  
  
To:Cassandra  
From: Cullen

(11:09 am)  
 _Cullen, why haven’t you been going to therapy?_  
 _You’ve missed your last two sessions - is there something I should know about?_  
  
(11:17 am)  
Do you ever forget that you’re not actually my therapist? I’m starting to think you get yourself and her confused.  
  
(11:17 am)  
 _Ha ha, very funny Cullen._

(11:17 am)  
_You realise this is serious right? You’ve never missed more than a week._

(11:18 am)  
Trust me, you don’t have to tell me. I know. I am acutely aware.

(11:18 am)  
...The withdrawals have been getting worse again. I think one of the running paths I was trying took me past a user’s house. God, I used to think weed had a distinctive smell but now…

(11:18 am)  
I’ve changed my running route but I think the damage has been done. I don’t know why it's this bad though, I’ve been able to manage these withdrawals so well until now.   
  
(11:19 am)  
 _Recovery isn’t always a straightforward process._  
  
(11:19 pm)  
But I don’t know if I can handle it this time.  
  
(11:19 am)  
 _I know you can. You always do._  
 _And you know who to text if it gets any worse._  
  
(11:20 am)  
 _I can’t promise I’ll be awake, but hopefully texting me will at least distract you._  
  
(11:21 am)  
I’m glad to hear it.   
  
(11:21 am)  
I owe you one Cassandra.  
  
(11:21 am)  
 _What are friends for?_  
  


(11:22 pm)  
  
  
(8:56 pm)  


-x-  
  
He was so _thirsty_.  
  
Cullen couldn’t remember how long he’d been standing over the sink, fever sweat beading on his forehead. The tap was running, water running into the drain - distantly in the back of his mind part of him realised this was probably going to wrack up his water bill by a bit. But that was hardly his main concern right now as he forced himself to swallow against nothing, wincing. His throat was so dry, he could feel the segmented cracks as the membranes moved - he was so thirsty and he couldn’t sate it, why couldn’t he sate it?

He can't remember the time.

_-Bodies so close together, a sea of hormones and alcohol and he feels like he’s floating. Fingers stray and he doesn’t mind, doesn’t care, pulls a stranger in and doesn't care who the skin underneath his fingers and the body he's pressed up against belongs to. All he cares about is the chase, the chase for sensation as their mouths clash in a kiss that's more teeth and tongue than lip. But he doesn’t care, it’s like there’s pure magic burning up his veins making him strong and fearless and he burns and burns and burns-_

He forced another mouthful of water to his mouth, feeds back the water as if force feeding a child. There’s no grace to the action; he could feel excess water drip off his chin back into the sink and all he could think is how wonderfully cool it feels. He tries to ignore the way his glass shakes in his hand, the way his other hand grips at the counter tight enough for his tendons to turn white and show on the backs of his hands. It's hard to ignore his shaking when he can’t control the way his glass clacks against his teeth.  
  
 _-He doesn’t remember walking, stumbling, being pushed in the door - he’s not even entirely sure that this is his house but why should he care where there are hands on his body and a mouth on his own? He’s hard and it's all he can think about, it consumes his mind, makes him grind against the leg shoved between his thighs. He doesn’t have the sense of mind to register the person’s identity; his imagination conjures up an image of dark eyes and darker hair, a soft laugh and a soft body to match. His mind conjures up one fantasy but he feels beard burn on his neck as the stranger kisses down his throat and it takes him a moment to realise he’s saying ‘Maker please fuck me fuck me fuck me’ leaning against a wall he didn’t realise was there as his spine arches against the plaster-_  
  
His joints all feel like they're made of cement - like if he moves they’ll grate, they’ll hurt but he’s not quite sure he could conjure up the energy to move if he tried. His head pounded like there was a hammer beating against the concave of his skull, a steady beat to drive him mad. He wanted to press his palms against the pain but that involves letting go of either the bench or the water. Both are his lifelines right now. He just couldn't afford to give either up and so he lay strung between like a broken marionette, all his strings twisted together and he doesn’t know what ones to cut. Maybe he’s not supposed to cut any.  
  
 _-It’s always so fast, their bodies hopped up on whatever they can get. But that’s why he does it  - it's a thrill, it sets something within him alight that he needs to feel and when he comes against the sheets it's with a strangled yell louder than he’s ever raised his voice when sober. He collapses and the man behind him keeps pounding, keeps filling him up and he can feel himself start to space out. Eyes drift over to the side bed chest of drawers, to the flasks that sit on top with their distinctive blue elixir within. Just seeing it makes his throat itch, his hands grip that little bit tighter because he’s high but he needs more - needs to not remember this night or the night before or the night before that with a different body each night keeping his bed warm. Let it become a pleasurable blur which there's no end and no beginning. When his partner falls asleep for the night that's when he leaves, a Lyrium bottle emptying down his throat and he's asleep as soon as he hits the pillow with dreams of too bright colours flashing behind his eyelids. He never sleeps for long._

He's not sure how he ended up on the ground, slumped over like an old toy but suddenly he can feel his phone against his hip and it felt like a weapon in the best way. A sword to cut through the darkness, through demons that claw at his mind.

"Cassandra." He mumbles, and it kind of sounds like gibberish to his head right now but he knows if anybody would listen it would be her as his hand shakes as he unlocks his screen, tries to select her name and frankly? All he can do is **write**.

-x-

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(3:46 am)  
i can’t stop thinking about it  
  
(3:46 am)  
sometimes its easy like when i'm talking with josephine or leliana or dorian or you and it's like I dont even know how I could be that person

(3:46 am)  
i feel like its finally behind me ive finally ignored it

(3:46 am)  
but then I get home and it's like every terrible thing that i've done comes rushing back to me  
  
(3:46 am)  
fuck  
  
(3:46 am)  
water doesn’t taste right. it should be more  
  
(3:48 am)  
blue

(3:49 am)  
lyrium goes down so easy at first  
sweet like midori with bite like bitters and your whole body sings with it like theres fire in your veins  
  
(3:49 am)  
they say its ‘addictive’ but that doesn’t describe the way it seems to stick to your very bones  
  
(3:49 am)  
like if you cut me open on my bones all you’d see is blue  
  
(3:49 am)  
everybody asks about my time at kinloch  
  
(3:49 am)  
all it was was an endless cycle of work club bed work club bed   
  
(3:49 am)  
i don’t know how i held a job   
i dont even think i had the same one at the end of the year  
  
(3:49 am)  
but i wasnt scared of anything anymore   
i was so confident so in control and i didnt care what i did who i slept with at the end of the night because i was just so out of myself

(3:50 am)  
fuck, the only reason i know i like men is because i decided to sleep with them and I dont regret it any more than the woman

(3:50 am)  
i think  
  
(3:50 am)  
i swear  
  
(3:50 am)  
i cant remember

(3:51 am)  
maker  
  
(3:51 am)  
im so scared that not all of them wanted it  
we were all so drugged up but im scared that i pushed myself on them and they couldnt fight back

(3:51 am)  
i cant remember

(3:52 am)  
and im so scared i cant remember because its easier to forget than admit im a monster

(3:52 am)  
i cant remember when i stopped enjoying being on lyrium and started hating being off it  
because a part of me knew that my life was falling apart and it was the only fucking thing holding it together  
  
(3:52 am)  
and then i went to kirkwall and it just got worse  
  
(3:53 am)  
my supplier meredith knew how far i’d go   
  
(3:53 am)  
she made me crave lyrium until if i didnt take my hands would get cold and it felt like the sky was falling   
  
(3:53 am)  
i remember clutching at my head in a dark room  
i swore there were demons and they wanted me  
they wanted me and they wanted to flay the skin from my back make me atone for my sins  
  
(3:53 am)  
i know it was a hallucination now but it felt so real  
when do people ever talk about this side of lyrium?  
  
(3:54 am)  
maybe if more people knew less would take it  
  
(3:54 am)  
i could feel my life slipping away in kirkwall more and more friends leaving i couldnt face my family  
still cant

(3:55 am)  
i cant remember an entire fucking year of my life  
  
(3:55 am)  
its probably more that that

(3:55 am)  
i cant remember

(3:56 am)  
im terrified im forgetting everything  
  
(3:56 am)  
im a monster  
  
(3:56 am)  
in rehab you see these men with this cloudy look in their eyes and they dont remember a thing and on their good days they dont even care  
  
(3:57 am)  
their bad days are what keep me clean   
why i want nothing to do with that life  
  
(3:57 am)   
my hands are shaking

(3:57 am)  
i swear im forgetting my own name

(3:57 am)  
some nights i cant remember my own name  
  
(3:58 am)  
forgive me  
  
(3:58 am)  
you know i never meant for this to interfere with us  
with our friendship

(3:59 am)  
its just you said i could and these memories haunt my mind  
and if they become worse…  
  
(3:59 am)  
i dont know if i can do this  
  
-x-

To: Cullen  
From: Dorian

(8:02 am)  
 _i know you can_


	6. Verging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can only perform a dance at arm's length for so long before somebody attempts to shove you closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently exams decided to kick out my legs from under me, so sorry about the wait! That being said, this chapter is longer than any of the previous ones and marks the beginning of the shift of the fic being more in the narrative style over the text format - I'll leave the reasoning up for you to decide. Get excited! ;)

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(7:42 pm)  
_Look, I know I wasn’t supposed to get those texts._

(7:43 pm)  
 _It looks like you were texting that Cassandra friend of yours if I were to guess. I like her even more now, for the record._  
  
(7:43 pm)  
 _But hear me out right now, okay?_

(7:43 pm)  
 _I know it's been a few days and you might not even be reading these anymore, but hopefully you’re still getting these._  
  
(7:44 pm)  
_I've talked about Iron Bull before._

(7:44 pm)  
_He's the one who talked me into going to yoga with him, which is rather amusing considering he's 6 foot something and sticks out like a sore thumb in the class.  
_  
(7:45 pm)  
_Well we both do, but that's besides the point._

(7:45 pm)  
_Thing is, Bull worked for the Qun most of his life._

(7:45 pm)  
 _And let’s be frank here; with the reputation that gang has I doubt I have to explain who they are beside the fact that their organisation? Huge._  
  
(7:45 pm)  
 _Like, take the number you were thinking and double it._  
  
(7:45 pm)  
 _They’re double that number you’re thinking. Again._

  
(7:45 pm)  
_Anyway, he had a great position for a few years, a job in one of the downtown clubs. He was the best bartender on the roster, he worked almost every night. I’ve never seen anybody mix a cocktail so fast - plus I’m half convinced he knows ten more cocktails that are known to society at any given moment._

(7:46 pm)  
 _But he was also - well, mainly a mole. The club he worked in was also a drug den, essentially. Bull’s told me about the sort of shit that he’s seen go down. In the same shift he’ll shout a woman her first drink ever for her 21st and make sure she gets home safe, and then he’d go out back and make sure a deal doesn’t turn sour._  
  
(7:46 pm)  
 _in between all that he’s chatting up customers, getting to know regulars. He just needs to see a person once and he remembers their name._  
  
(7:47 pm)  
 _He’s just one of those faces you trust immediately, you know the sort. I got to know him between the club and when he started coming into the cafe every day._  
  
(7:47 pm)  
 _He let me know as soon as we considered each other friends that he was a spy - he doesn’t lie to his friends. Damned good liar when he wants to be though - don’t play Wicked Grace against him unless you want to lose all your money._  
  
(7:48 pm)  
 _But then a string of bad deals happened - couple of people got killed, police were starting to give the place more than a passing glance. They wanted to move Bull away from the city, from his friends and family and everything. I think they wanted to send him to Tevinter - closer to their base of operations._  
  
(7:48 pm)  
 _He was telling me while he was thinking about all this that it was because they wanted to push up the ranks - anybody would be lucky to have a man as slippery yet loyal as Bull._  
  
(7:49 pm)  
 _But he didn’t want to leave everything he had here - his friends the Chargers are like a second family to him and he’s basically a dad to one of the guys Krem, not to mention all the trades that they do never sat quite right with him._  
  
(7:49 pm)  
 _He quit, in the end._  
  
(7:49 pm)  
 _Not something you usually hear about, and the Qun did try to keep him. Even tried a few underhand ways of doing it. But Bull’s as stubborn as his name when he wants to be. He jumped through the loops and the one thing about the Qun is that they are very true to their word._  
  
(7:50 pm)  
 _He’s been a free man for two years now I think? Works two jobs but I’ve never seen a more honest man._

(7:51 pm)  
 _There was a point to all this, believe it or not._  
  
(7:51 pm)  
 _The Qun specialise in Lyrium - they love the stuff.They can get it cheaper than ecstasy and it’s twice as addictive and Bull’s seen how people get on that stuff._  
  
(7:51 pm)  
 _He says you can always tell them apart from the crowd - they’re always louder, less in control, more reckless. He’s seen them on the street collapsed and even then he’s never quite sure whether they’re awake or not._  
  
(7:51 pm)  
 _He talks about how nobody ever truly comes clean._  
  
(7:52 pm)  
 _And then there’s you._  
  
(7:52 pm)  
 _I mean I knew there was something up with you - a man can only talk like you do for so long before a person starts smelling secrets from a mile away. But *Lyrium?*_  
  
(7:53 pm)  
 _Dealers get people hooked on that because it's infamous for keeping those people addicted for the rest of their sad miserable lives. But you sound like you haven’t taken it in *years*._

(7:53 pm)  
 _Bearing the scars of that, yes, but surely you realise what sort of achievement that is! People just don’t do that Cullen._  
  
(7:54 pm)  
 _You remember things, you see friends, you have a *job*._  
  
(7:54 pm)  
 _And maybe it doesn’t mean much from a man you’ve never met, but I am so proud of you._  
  
(7:54 pm)  
 _You’re beating lyrium. And you’ve had mishaps but you’re better than that. You’re pushing through. And honestly, I don’t know how not to sound like every cliche in the book but I’m sincere when I say this._  
  
(7:55 pm)  
 _I’m here for you Cullen._  
  
(8:12 pm)  
And what makes you so confident in saying all that?  
  
(8:12 pm)  
You don’t know what you’re saying Dorian.  
  
(8:12 pm)  
You don’t know what I’ve done.  
  
(8:13 pm)  
Maker, what am I saying you /know/ what I’ve done.  
  
(8:13 pm)  
 _I know what you’ve done and that doesn’t change anything. That’s in the past now, and clearly you’re not trying to dwell on it._  
 _You said it yourself; you want nothing to do with that life._

(8:13 pm)  
But I did for so long. That /affects/ a man Dorian. You can’t just ignore the fact I chose to take it again and again and I let myself get into this position.

(8:14 pm)  
 _But were you ever really in the right mind to register what that meant? Addiction warps your mind._  
  
(8:14 pm)  
 _Cullen, I’m not here to condemn you._  
  
(8:14 pm)  
I’m not sure why you aren’t, honestly.  
  
(8:15 pm)  
 _Because I’ve never met any Lyrium user that actually wanted to quit._  
  
(8:15 pm)  
 _I always hear of it as a dead end street, even those that go through rehab see it as pointless, if that._  
  
(8:15 pm)  
 _But you talk about going back only as a temptation. Not an inevitable, which seems to be the commonly held belief and I cannot begin to express the respect that gathers from me._  
  
(8:16 pm)  
You’re mad.  
  
(8:16 pm)  
 _Says the one who quit Lyrium and lived._  
  
(8:20 pm)  
I don’t know what to say.  
  
(8:21 pm)  
 _Say you’re not going to stop talking to me._  
  
(8:21 pm)  
 _Say that you’re not going to let the fact that I know now scare you off._  
  
(8:21 pm)  
 _Say that you’re going to let me help you - because Maker knows you let anybody else._  
  
(8:22 pm)  
 _Can you do that?_  
  
(8:23 pm)  
I can try.  
  
(8:23 pm)  
I can’t promise anything Dorian.  
  
(8:23 pm)  
 _I understand._  
  
(8:23 pm)  
 _Just hearing you say that though puts me at ease._  
  
(8:24 pm)  
YOU’RE THE ONE AT EASE?  
  
(8:24 pm)   
Opps, caps lock.  
  
(8:24 pm)  
Seriously though, I’ve been the one shitting myself all day because those texts were sent to you instead of Cassandra. I still cannot believe you’re reacting like this.  
  
(8:25 pm)  
 _What, did you think I was going to bitch you out and leave you for dead?_  
  
(8:25 pm)  
...Something like that.  
  
(8:25 pm)  
I mean, think about what I said. May or may not have had minor panic attacks about the subject.  
  
(8:25 pm)  
 _Well, hasn’t life been kind to you?_  
  
(8:26 pm)  
I feel like both of us can say that.  
  


(8:26 pm)  
 _You more than most though._  
  
(8:26 pm)  
 _So no more secrets about all this?_  
  
(8:27 pm)  
Only if that goes for you too.  
  
(8:27 pm)  
_I can live with that._

(8:28 pm)  
Maker Dorian, how did I ever get by without you?  
  
(8:28 pm)  
 _Just another mystery for the world to ponder I think._  
  
(8:29 pm)  
Thank you, Dorian. I can’t say it enough.  
  
(8:29 pm)  
 _Any time, Cullen._  
  
 _-x-_

  
“I think I’m falling in love with him.”  
  
Five words, all so simple in their makeup, but put together they felt far too big to wrap his mouth around. Indeed, as soon as he said them Cullen felt like he needed to cram the words back into his mouth. It certainly didn’t help he was having another lyrium-induced dehydration stint - he’d drained the glass sitting in front of him and his throat still had a tickle to it that he couldn’t quite scratch. It really wasn’t his day, was it?  
  
“What?” Josephine said, her cup clattering back onto her face with just a bit less finesse than the woman usually showed. Cullen just made a noise in reply, the sort one makes when they’d really prefer not to answer that, thank you very much. He didn’t need to though - the smile that was quickly spreading across the woman’s face said that much. “That’s wonderful! Wait, is it wonderful?” She asked, quickly retracting her statement as she looked Cullen over. The man just sighed in reply.  
  
“I don’t know? Yes? No? Probably not.” He sighed. “Maker I don't know. I think that's what I'm feeling? The 'I love you' part. Not the 'I don't know' part. Although actually..."

"I'm starting to see why you didn't invite Cassandra or Leliana over as well." Josephine giggled. It was a hundred percent true, of course - Leliana he didn't entirely trust not to meddle and while Cassandra was a rock to him, her views on romance could be a little... Fluffy. With his feelings being an absolute mess right now the last thing he needed was interference, however well intended it was trying to be.

"Tact is a gift I need right now." Cullen agreed. "I just- I don't know what to do, Josephine. I can't even remember how long it's been since I was in a relationship."

"Same." Josephine replied wistfully, head settling in her hands as she looked over at Cullen. "Do you think anything's going to happen between you two?"

"Definitely not." Cullen replied firmly, shaking his head. "I haven't even met him and that's not going to happen any time soon."

"I'm surprised you don't have any inclination to meet him, considering he also lives in Telas."

"If you haven't noticed I'm not exactly the most stable person to have any sort of relationship with, and he's not exactly perfect either."

"And would that stop you in any other situation except this one? You know, I have the contacts. I can get you two meeting in-"

"-no! Maker please." Cullen said, perhaps a bit too hurriedly and he was just as quick to apologise as Josephine's expression quickly turned guilty.

"It's fine Cullen." She said, waving off his insistence that no, it really isn't. "I just... I worry about you. I want you to be happy and Dorian seems to make you happier than anything else and if you wanted to see him... "

"I appreciate it." He said, a soft smile on his face. "But I don't know if this is the time. Maybe some day, when I've got my act together..."

"That could be forever, if you wanted it to be." Josephine said, her tone light and teasing despite the fact Cullen knew it was more than a pleasant joke.

"It won't be." It could be. "Thank you for listening though. It does mean a lot."

"My pleasure." She said."But should we for the moment move onto more... Lighthearted subjects? I would hardly like to think this whole meeting was solely to discuss your love life, interesting as it may be.”  
  
“You are far too polite for you own good.” Cullen said, cracking a smile. “Now, did you manage to catch the premiere of ‘The Grey’ on channel two last night?”

-x-

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(2:01 pm)  
 _If you ever hear me say I like nutmeg, be sure to tie me up and lock me in a room somewhere._  
  
(2:01 pm)  
_I despise this stuff with the passion of a thousand suns._

(2:10 pm)  
What did it ever do to you?  
  
 _(2:10 pm)_  
Also, I’m not sure tying you up is going to help in any way.  
  
(2:13 pm)  
 _If I'm sitting there saying I like nutmeg, then you need to seriously question whether I'm actually the one sitting in front of you._

(2:13 pm)  
_Plus, you'd get to enjoy the view._ __

(2:14 pm)  
xcvbhj dorian /please/.

(2:14 pm)  
 _What? Tell me I'm lying._  
  
(2:15 pm)  
MOVING ON.

(2:15 pm)  
Do you really hate the Christmas spirit that much that you’d rather seduce me than smell nutmeg?  
  
(2:16 pm)  
 _You have no idea what working in a coffee shop does to you._  
 _All these holidays just turn into these cookie cutter paper dolls that businesses can wave around to get more money thrown at them, and much as I like Alexius he’s no better._

(2:16 pm)  
_If anything he’s worse around Christmas - oh, it’s tasteful at the cafe, sure. His place though is an entirely different story though. He has a whole *cupboard* just for Christmas decorations, fake snow and Christmas trees and this little train set that’s constantly going around the top of the living room. He puts up the decorations right after Halloween and I’m still getting glitter out of my hair at New Years._

(2:17 pm)  
You really don’t like Christmas, do you?  
  
(2:17 pm)  
 _Define ‘like’._  
  
(2:17 pm)  
...Not hate? Enjoy? Wouldn’t wish away? Don't turn your nose up at?  
  
(2:17 pm)  
 _Ah. It kind of does come off like I hate it, doesn’t it?_  
  
(2:17 pm)  
 _I do like Christmas. A lot, actually. When I was younger this time of year was wonderful. My father could wrap a present in the blink of an eye better than they can at any store, and my Nana cooked the most delicious turkey._  
  
(2:18 pm)  
 _But Christmas is such a family oriented one, and when you don’t have one it just feels so…_  
  
(2:18 pm)  
Empty?  
  
(2:19 pm)  
 _Yeah._  
  
(2:19 pm)  
 _Alexius has done so much for me, and Christmas it's like all those feelings are intensified tenfold. I feel like I shouldn’t be there… I think he knows that._  
  
(2:20 pm)  
 _Christmas itself is good though. I’d decorate if I could be bothered, and I will never tire of Christmas ham and turkey._  
  
(2:20 pm)  
 _Although the ham does tend to taste of despair after a while._

(2:20 pm)  
Man, my brother would love you.  
  
(2:20 pm)  
 _You have a brother?_

(2:21 pm)  
And two sisters. Branson’s the one that can singlehandedly devour a ham though.  
I’m pretty sure he buys the meat for Christmas solely so he can do that. Ma doesn’t mind though, she loves cooking for company even if it's just her family.

(2:21 pm)  
 _Sounds like Christmas is quite the event at the Cullen household._  
  
(2:22 pm)  
You don’t even know the half of it.

(2:22 pm)  
Ma can’t fit all the food in the fridge, and the breakfast fry up is almost as good as the Christmas dinner. All the kids used to build snowmen and have snowball fights outside while the adults drank whisky and caught up with the brother’s wife and uncle’s second cousin they hadn’t seen since last Christmas.

(2:23 pm)  
Nowdays it’s less snowball fights and more just eating until you can’t walk. A couple more gag gifts as well people wouldn't have gotten away back then too.

(2:23 pm)  
Well, that was what it was like last time I went home for Christmas.

(2:23 pm)  
...It’s been a long time.  
  
(2:24 pm)  
 _Lyrium?_  
  
(2:24 pm)  
Yeah.  
  
(2:25 pm)  
A couple of years ago I got a letter from my sister Mia, asking how I was and could I please start replying to her letters? And she added on the end that Christmas was soon and I should come home for it.  
  
(2:25 pm)  
When I read that it was a few weeks into January.  
  
(2:25 pm)  
And now I just… Can’t.  
  
(2:26 pm)  
 _They’d want you home._  
  
(2:26 pm)  
I could say the same of Alexius though. He wouldn’t invite you for Christmas if he didn’t care about you. After all, he had the /choice/ to invite you. With family it's more of a…  
  
(2:26 pm)  
Obligation.  
  
(2:27 pm)  
 _You don’t mean that, do you?_  
  
(2:27 pm)  
Less than I’d like to believe I do.  
  
(2:27 pm)  
That’s besides the point though.  
  
(2:28 pm)  
 _Look, I know he only invites me because the alternative is me wallowing around in my room with too many bottles of cheap wine. Not a sight anybody should be victimised to._

(2:29 pm)  
Let me guess; you’ve done that?  
  
(2:29 pm)  
 _Not my finest moment, I’ll be the first to admit._  
  
(2:29 pm)  
 _Fasta vass Cullen, you’re far too perceptive for your own good sometimes._  
  
(2:30 pm)  
Well, my sister always said I had a natural knack for that sort of thing. Probably part of the reason I picked up chess.   
  
(2:30 pm)  
 _You play?_  
  
(2:30 pm)  
When your childhood revolved around trying to knock your sister off her perch, you pick it up pretty fast.  
I like to think I’m quite good at it, actually.   
  
(2:31 pm)  
 _I feel like I may have to challenge that claim some day._  
  
(2:31 pm)  
Oh, you play as well?  
  
(2:31 pm)  
 _Of course. I am a refined gentleman after all._  
  
(2:31 pm)   
_A rusty one when it comes to chess, but one none the less._

(2:32 pm)   
I hope you know I’m holding you to that.  
  
(2:32 pm)  
 _I look forward to the day. Also Cullen?_  
 _Get ready to lose._  
  
(2:32 pm)  
Yeah, right.  __  
  
-x-  
  
“Fasta vass Varric, I think I really like him.”  
  
“You sure about that, Sparkler?” Varric said, stirring his coffee as he stared Dorian down. “Saying that's basically your equivalent of bringing out your boombox and declaring love in the middle of the night. Got any stones to throw at the window?”  
  
“Yes yes, I know, I’ve read your Maker-damned manuscripts to know your views on the subject.” Dorian said. There wasn’t any real bite to the words though, and what little there was explained away in an instant by the way he worried at his lip, playing with the pen in his hands. “I just...Fuck Varric, I’m not blind. I fawn over the man in a way that’s frankly embarrassing considering I’ve never even met the guy, I feel like I’m texting him every waking moment of the day-”  
  
“You are.” Varric interjected with a grin, laughing as Dorian made a frustrated noise, pulling his fingers down his nose.  
  
“Look, I don’t think I’ve been this taken with anybody since… I don’t know, my first flings back in Tevinter? And those were flings, even if I thought otherwise at the time.”  
  
“You were also young, naive and almost as stupid as whoever your ‘flings’ were. New to the ways of the world, and how life likes to fuck you over when you’re not paying attention. Literally, depending.” He paused for a moment to scribble something in red pen in one of the margins in front of him, making a very prominent arrow to a word in the middle of the page before continuing. “You’re comparing chalk and cheese Dorian. Have a look at this with your eyes open.”  
  
“That just makes it worse.” Dorian whinned. “I’ve got butterflies talking about him right now Varric. _Butterflies._ Honest to god butterflies over a man I've- I swear if you write me into your god awful novels I will personally come over to your house and pluck out each of your nails individually.”  
  
“You insults are getting better by the day. Clearly being around me is having a good effect on you.”  
  
“Varric, your ego is showing.”  
  
“Says the pot to the kettle.” Varric said. His expression quickly became solemn though. He rested his pen on the table in front of him, leaning back in his chair. “Look, why is this such a big deal to you anyway?”  
  
“I- What do you mean?” Dorian spluttered, a slightly offended look on his face.  
  
“Well, there has to be a reason that you haven’t just called up the guy and gone ‘Hey big boy you’re the reason I jack off at night. Why don’t we make these fantasies a reality?” Dorian was suddenly very glad he wasn’t drinking anything - if he had it would now be sprayed all over Varric. Also his manuscript, which would be the bigger tragedy here considering Varric wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass if he did that.  
  
“Do you want me to list every reason?”  
  
“Oh, please do.” Varric said with a secretive smile that Dorian just didn’t quite trust. Against his better instincts, he continued.   
  
“Well let’s see. First of all, to him I’m still that weird guy that decided that a misfired text was simply the best time to start up a conversation. Because asking a guy why a cat threw up on him about the specifics is not weird. At at.” He made a noise of disgust before continuing. “Secondly, I don’t even know what he looks like. I don’t know what he sounds like. If I walked past him in the street I would probably miss him because the only thing I have to go on is that he’s apparently pulled straight out of a disney movie - which brings me onto my third, fourth and fifth point as well as any after that. He’s not exactly in the right frame of mind.”  
  
“And you’re the best judge of that?” Varric asked.  
  
“He fucking broke down over text.” Dorian replied. “No sane person looks at somebody baring their heart and soul to them and go ‘Ah, yes, this is the man whom I wish to ravage me all night’. It’s not that simple!”  
  
“You say that like you didn’t enjoy going to those bars downtown for more reasons than getting to see your old buddy Bull. Was walking up to those guys just as complicated as this? Man, if it was I want to hear your flirting tips.”  
  
“But this is different!” Dorian said. ”He’s not a one night stand sort of guy-”  
  
“Didn’t know you were an expert on his sex tastes. I must say, I’m impressed.” Despite himself, that made the tips of Dorian’s ears go red and he just simply hated the way Varric’s mouth quirked in response.  
  
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”  
  
“Then what do you mean?” Varric asked, all too innocently. Dorian knew if the bastard could get away with it he’d bat his eyelashes as well.  
  
“Do you really need me to spell it out?” Dorian asked. Varric just gave him a shit eating grin, but gestured for him to go on. Sometimes Dorian wondered why he humoured the man - perhaps it was because he now had an amazing stack of 'Varric is short' jokes and they just weren't as satisfying on anybody else.

“Because... He’s not the sort of person that you- that people just fuck and leave. He's one of the most intelligent people I've talked to in a long time - he understands why I always insist I boil cinnamon on the stove after you guys have come over and drink too much."

"It does smell pretty good."

"Then why do I get so much shit from you two- you know what? Never mind. I don't want to know." Dorian said, shaking his head. The stoic look was ruined by the small smile he had on his face though, the look of a man reminiscing. "It's just been so long since I've met somebody that I can talk to like I do with Bull, with you - and considering it happened in a matter of mere weeks is something that isn’t lost on me. Quite the opposite, actually. I mean, I know it's the price of being so irresistibly handsome but it doesn't mean I can't loathe the consequences.” He paused for a moment, smiling before his shoulders sagged in a sort of defeat. A few moments passed - then Varric burst into laughter.  
  
“Holy shit Sparkler, you’ve got it so bad.” He said, laughing as he wiped tears out of his eyes. “I mean, I write romance novels for a living and I couldn’t write anything as good as this.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I get it, I’m a hot mess and it’s absolutely deplorable.” Dorian said, waving Varric off. “Can we move on now? I’m already beginning to regret letting you stay after closing.”  
  
“You’re just salty all your secrets are out in the open now. I know your type.”

“Because you are my type.” Dorian replied, rolling his eyes. “I could easily bring up some of your past experiences if we’re going to poke each other with sticks. ”  
  
“Hey hey, no need to threaten violence. We’re all friends here.” Varric said. “Look, we still haven’t answered the most important question here and I promise I’ll drop the subject after.” He leaned forward, eyes suddenly serious. Suddenly Dorian could see why this man was such a feared and respected businessman - while there was still the sparkle of contentment from good company his gaze had hardened into something more serious. It was the look of the man on the other side of the desk in a job interview, except Dorian couldn’t get away with cookie cutter answers. "Why not?"

“Well let’s spell it out for you Varric; he’s a single man older than I am, recovering from addiction and is still struggling and is barely in touch with his own family. Not to mention besides saying he’s bisexual there are no indications he even wants to go anywhere near sex let alone with me. Does that really spell out ‘love interest’ to you, or should I run the circumstances by you again?”  
  
“All very convincing,” Varric replied “except for the fact that I didn’t hear you mention Cullen saying ‘I am not interested in you’ once in that explanation. Which means, I’m sorry to say, it’s utter bullshit.”  
  
“Nonsense!”  
  
“Then text him right now. Say ‘Would you like to go get a drink with me?’”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I don’t have to say.” Dorian said, crossing his arms and giving Varric a look which didn’t phase the other man in any way whatsoever.  
  
“Excuses, excuses. I get it, you’re scared. But come on, you’re just torturing yourself at this point. Those puppy eyes are making me consider tears.” Dorian just gave the man a look before rolling his eyes.  
  
“Anything else you want to add, dad?”  
  
“Don’t do drugs, stay in school and wrap it before you tap it.” He replied without missing a beat, making Dorian choke on his drink.  
  
“Did you have that rehearsed?”  
  
“Nah, just another unmissable part of the Tethras package.” Varric replied, grinning. Dorian could see the smugness practically written in cursive across his face - the worst part was he knew he’d be preening just as much if he was in Varric’s place.   
  
Damnit.   
  
“Look, I said I’d drop the subject after I asked.” Varric said finally, reluctantly. “But just… Listen, won’t you? Give it a try and don’t do anything stupid. I don’t need another Hawke on my hands.”  
  
“Yes, and you’re going to settle down tomorrow with your wife, 2.4 kids and a dog in your picket fence home.” Dorian drawled. “I appreciate your concern, really, but I’ve got this one covered.” Varric just shook his head, clicking his pen against his chin.  
  
“Whatever you say Sparkler. Now, are you going to help me finish this up or not?”  
  
-x-

Wyvern Wonder Official Chat Client  
Version 3.1.04

Public Chat | **Party Chat** | Game Commands Only | Off  
  
 _NightingaleEyes has come online!_  
_  
TaurusCharging has come online!_

  
NightingaleEyes (9:03 pm): Finally, you’re online.  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:03 pm): I thought we were going to miss the event entirely.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:03 pm): You and me both, Red.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:04 pm): Apparently everybody decided today was going to be the day to go to the supermarket late.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:04 pm): I’m surprised I even got served, I got to the counter so long after closing.  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:04 pm): You would have been served either way. We both know that.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:04 pm): I don’t have to act smug about it though.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:05 pm): After all, I am in the company of a most delightful woman and I think it’s common courtesy to make sure I keep up a good image for you.  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:05 pm): Oh Bull, if I didn’t know you as well as I do, I would think you Orlesian.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:05 pm): Probably a good thing you do then. Orlesians are far too proper for my taste. Also wear too much perfume, ick.  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:05 pm): At least we make an effort to look proper~

NightingaleEyes (9:06 pm): Oh, before we get carried away though I need to talk to you, yes?

TaurusCharging (9:06 pm): Go ahead Red.

NightingaleEyes (9:06 pm): It's about Cullen.

NightingaleEyes (9:06 pm): And Dorian.

NightingaleEyes (9:06 pm): And unless the Maker himself steps upon this Earth they're both going to make up excuse after terrible excuse for not meeting until they die of old age.

NightingaleEyes (9:06 pm): Cass has all but given up hope and Josie's more desolate than ever.

TaurusCharging (9:06 pm): I know you, Red. You wouldn’t bring this up unless you’ve already formulated some sort of wicked plan.

TaurusCharging (9:07 pm): What is it this time? Planted texts? Cheesy music on a boom box while we throw stones at their apartments?

NightingaleEyes (9:07 pm): Sometimes I doubt whether you’re the same Bull I met through the underground all those years ago.

TaurusCharging (9:07 pm): Of course I’m not.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:07 pm): I’m better. And I can make even better cocktails now.  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:08 pm): And so humble as well~

_AleAndArrows has come online!_

NightingaleEyes (9:08 pm): I’ll text you the details after this, it’ll be easier. Plus, we need to make sure we’re in top condition to take down this dragon.

TaurusCharging (9:08 pm): Fuck yes.  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:09 pm): I knew that would get your mind back on things.  
  
AleAndArrows (9:09 pm): Did somebody say the D word to Tiny?   
  
AleAndArrows (9:09 pm): Come on, right when we were about to start.

TaurusCharging (9:09 pm): This is the first raid you’ve been on with us!  
  
AleAndArrows (9:10 pm): And I know how pissy you got when you didn’t kill the one a couple months ago and Nightingale got all the glory.  
  
TaurusCharging (9:10 pm): Aw, come on, you said you wouldn’t bring that up!  
  
AleAndArrows (9:10 pm): History isn’t repeating itself on my watch.  
  
_First wave: 70 undead remain._  
  
NightingaleEyes (9:11 pm): Let’s get on with this.

TaurusCharging (9:11 pm): Aye aye, Red.

-x-

To: The Iron Bull  
From: Dorian

(2:03 am)  
 _Bull?_

(2:03 am)  
 _For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that._  
  
(2:18 am)  
 **You’re fine, Dorian. It was a shitty thing to bring up over text.**  
  
(2:21 am)  
 _Oh boo, I’ve actually got a friend looking out for me. This is truly the worst situation I could have ever imagined and completely worthy of me slam dunking one of my best friends because I got into a mood._  
  
(2:21 am)  
 **...Did you just say you ‘slam dunked’ me.**  
  
(2:21 am)  
 _It’s two am, I hardly feel like this is the best time to be judging my choice in words._  
 _Just don’t ever think I don’t appreciate what you do for me. I mean, as wonderful as I am it means a lot that you’ve stuck by me._  
  
(2:22 am)  
 **Don’t sweat it Dorian. Just go get some rest okay? I’ll be swinging by Serpent later tomorrow and I’d rather not see you dead on your feet.**  
  
(2:22 am)  
 _Okay, *Dad*._  
  
(2:22 am)  
 **Asshole.**

(2:23 am)  
_You love it._

-x-

“Okay, summarise for me again why exactly you've dragged me off this afternoon again?” Cullen said, giving Leliana a wary look from the passenger seat. He had to speak a bit louder than normal, as between the pounding rain and the mechanical whirr of the wipers there was more than the average amount of background noise.

“Just a moment.” She replied, holding out her hand as she leaned forwards, double checking the intersection for cars before pulling out.The act made them run through a puddle, sending a spray of water out onto the (thankfully) deserted footpath. “And I’m bringing you out because you know it’s been forever since we’ve gone and gotten coffee together.”  
  
“But the other side of town? The furthest we’ve ever gone is two blocks away.”  
  
“Because Royeaux is my favorite coffee place and you know it.” Leliana said, giving Cullen a pointed look that was more teasing than anything. “I thought it might be nice for a change to go somewhere else, no? And I have a friend that said he might be able to meet us there.”  
  
“Oh, so the real plan reveals itself.” Cullen said, throwing up his hands. “This is all a fuss you’re kicking up, dragging me all the way to the other side of town in this ridiculous weather so I can play third wheel in whatever weird date you’ve set up for yourself. Can you at least tell me when you do these things so I can bring a book to read or something?” At that, she started giggling, a grin spreading across Leliana’s face that Cullen didn’t trust as far as he could throw the woman.   
  
“You really trust me that little?”  
  
“That’s not my point and you know it.” Cullen said, making Leliana burst into another fit of giggles. He just sighed, folding his arms and harrumphing into the furred pauldrons of his jacket. He was pretty sure that no matter how long he knew the woman, Leliana would be the sort of person whose secrets had secrets - and that wasn’t even an exaggeration. Despite having lived in the same apartment complex for three years Cullen still hadn’t seen all the rooms in her house; he was convinced one of them held some sort of animal if the noises that he heard from there had anything to do with it. What kind though, he wasn’t entirely sure.  Maybe he should just finally get used to the fact he would never have her figured out... He also had to work on being real with himself.

They traveled the last few minutes in silence, Leliana turning her full attention to the road while Cullen relaxed in his seat, watching the waterdrops run down the passenger window. He could hear the faint whir of sirens in the background as the few people who were unlucky to be caught out in the weather hurried along the footpaths, coats pulled tight and umbrellas pointed against the wind. Another usual day in Telas, and not for the first time Cullen was glad he had settled here. The city was big, yes, but it didn’t overwhelm him in quite the same way that Kirkwall or Kinloch had. Perhaps it was the people were more friendly, or he was older and or wiser, maybe even just the city’s name didn’t start with the letter K. Whatever the reason, he didn’t mind knowing for sure what made Telas so right for him, so long as he didn’t jinx his luck.

The small carpark that Leliana finally pulled into was surprisingly packed, and as Leliana got out of the car herself and locked the car Cullen braved the rain to go properly see the front of the store. It was rather understated, all things considered, the large tinted windows clearly going for that more modern look. The logo situated above the door was equally minimalistic, steam in the shape of a snake curling out of a mug. Serpent was printed beneath in white, unassuming letters.

“This doesn’t look like the sort of place you usually go.” Cullen said as Leliana walked up beside him, somehow still looking pristine despite the weather.

“What, a girl’s not allowed to change it up a bit every now and then?” Leliana said, offering Cullen up a smile he wasn’t quite sure whether to trust. But the wind was picking up again and Cullen really didn’t want to be out here when the drizzle the rain had slowed to roared to life again. As it was he could feel the chill of the early november weather biting at his face and turning his cheeks pink - if the first snow of the season was going to start now he didn’t want to be a part of it.

The rush of warm air that hit the pair of them as they walked in was more than welcome, and Cullen could feel a literal shiver run through his body as the temperature settled on his skin. The inside of the cafe mirrored the outside in style; modern, but no less inviting for it. Thick, comfortable looking sofas faced out onto the street, tables and chairs spattering the inside with people filling up at least half of them. Leliana instantly made her way over to the table tucked into one corner, a man seated there waving the two of them over.  
  
Cullen’s first thought was that he was big. Huge but not because he was fat. It was mostly in his stature, but there was also something more to the man he couldn’t quite place. It felt like the seat and table was a few sizes too small for him despite the way he reclined into the former, and he could feel the man’s gaze heavy on him. Watchful, watchful in a way he always associated with Leliana. This guy was trouble, he just knew it. Hopefully just trouble in the same way Leliana was.

“Cullen, this is Bull. Bull, Cullen.” Leliana said, perching in the chair to the man’s left. Cullen offered the man a hand, and Bull took it. His handshake was well practiced, firm. Cullen could see the rope like muscles in his arm.

“Nice to meet you.” He said, warily. This couldn't be Dorian's friend, could it? He wouldn't put it past Leliana, but at the same time he was pretty sure he hadn't even  _told_ her about Bull. He dismissed the thought.  
  
“You too.” Bull replied, an easy smile on his face. He ran a hand over his head, through his buzzcut. “Red here’s talked a bit about you during our sessions.”

“Oh, are you one of her gaming buddies?”  
  
“Yep.” Bull replied. “We worked together briefly in the past as well, but we didn’t realise that until recently. Oh, also sorry if I look distracted.” He added, holding up his phone. “I’m waiting for a text. Why don’t you go up and order yourself something?”  
  
“I’ll get a latte.” Leliana said, batting her eyes at Cullen. He rolled his eyes.  
  
“Fine, but you’re buying the next round.” He said, walking over to the counter where a rather spirited blonde took his order. But when he finished paying he turned to see the two friends quietly murmuring something to each other with stern faces. The shift was unmistakable, especially on Bull. Cullen could see the faint scars on the left side of Bull’s face, culminating around his eye in a way that meant he was probably lucky to still have it. But as soon as the two saw him they snapped right back like a rubber band, easy smiles and casual laughter.  
  
“Everything alright?” He asked, sitting down.

“Just having trouble contacting my friend.” Bull replied. “He's not usually away from his phone, so it's a bit weird.”

“I hope he's okay then.” Cullen replied. Conversation moved on after that, the rain only getting heavier as the coffee kept flowing. It turned out that Bull was actually genuinely good company although much to Cullen’s chagrin definitely in the same sort of trickster vein of Leliana. Several times the two seemed to look over at each other and have a whole conversation within about two seconds of eye contact, and somehow they managed to spike the last of his second coffee with salt without him even leaving the table though. Cullen could almost forgive it though - the stories Bull had about his time working at a bar and more recently on construction sites had Cullen laughing harder than he had in a while. If he hadn’t been checking his phone for texts on the regular he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t have noticed the time slip by at all.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to work?” Cullen asked Bull with a curious expression.

“Nah.” He replied. “I finished at the site early today and I don’t start at the bar till seven. Got a couple more hours yet.”  
  
“And to think you were going on about being a third wheel this afternoon.” Leliana said, smiling behind her coffee.

“Hey!” Cullen said, frowning at Leliana as Bull burst into laughter beside them. “It’s not like you haven’t done that to me before!”  
  
“That was one time and I didn’t know it was going to happen.”  
  
“Still doesn’t mean I didn’t spend two hours in a movie theatre watching probably the most awkward flirting exchange I’ve ever seen.” Cullen replied. “I mean, ‘I like your hair’? I thought you were smoother than that!”  
  
“Holy shit, Red.” Bull said, cackling. Leliana folded her arms, but it wasn’t enough to disguise the way her cheeks flushed at being called out.  
  
“That was one time.”  
  
“The movie was in French! I couldn’t even understand the title!” Cullen exclaimed, Bull roaring into more laughter beside him. A few patrons were looking over at them now but it was worth it to have caught Leliana off guard for what was probably one of the few time ever over the course of their friendship. He’d pay for it later (salt in the dregs of his coffee was the least of his worries) but for now he was going to enjoy this, damn it.

“You really are the worst.” Leliana said, no venom in her voice.  
  
“Aw, you’re just sour Red, don’t be like that.” Bull said. Leliana just gave Cullen a look that confirmed that yes, he should really watch his back, before turning to Bull.  
  
“Fine fine, but you can’t really blame me, right?”  
  
“Hell no.” Bull said. “If I said some of the things that I’ve done- Actually, I’m just going to stop myself right there before I embarrass myself.” He added a million dollar smile onto the end, causing Leliana to crack a smile herself.   
  
“We should probably get going, anyway.” She said after a moment. “I’m expecting a call on the hour and I’m probably going to cut it close at this rate.”  
  
“Busy busy.” Bull said, standing up with the rest of them before giving Cullen a half salute. “It was nice meeting you Cullen. Hopefully I’ll see you around.”  
  
“You too.” Cullen replied, with a lot more enthusiasm than he had expected from himself two hours ago. “We should go before you two start plotting something against me.”  
  
“Oh I wouldn’t. Never!” Bull said, over exaggerating a big cross over his head and making Cullen roll his eyes.  
  
“Yeah yeah, like I believe that.”  
  
“Your loss.”  
  
The rain had once again slowed to a drizzle as Leliana and Cullen walked outside, the droplets casting a dreary haze over the city as if the very outlines of the cityscape had been smudged against the dreary sky. It budded on the exposed skin of his hands, sapping the warmth from his fingertips as Leliana unlocked the car and Cullen couldn’t help but hope for home; of a home cooked meal of some degree depending on how tired he was, of cat in his lap and warm sheets fresh from the dryer. It was a normal end to a relatively normal day… So why did he feel like he had missed something?  
  
-x-  
  
To: The Iron Bull  
From: Dorian

(1:02 pm)  
 **Hey, are you here? I can’t see you.**

(1:08 pm)  
 **I’m over in my usual seat. Don’t worry about the extra people, I’ll introduce you.**

(1:17 pm)  
 **I just talked to Sera and she said she hasn’t seen you at all today. Were you coming in later? I know hospital hours are weird.**

(1:29 pm)  
**Are you at the hospital?**

(1:27 pm)  
**Dorian, are you okay?**

_You have (1) missed call from this number!_

(1:31 pm)  
**Dorian, can you pick up?**

(2:01 pm)  
**Call me as soon as you can Dorian.**

  
-x-

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(2:05 pm)  
I think you’ve missed your time cue for the first time in forever. Good job!

(2:45 pm)  
You’re awfully quiet today - cafe busy?

(3:01 pm)  
You haven’t been this silent since that time that soccer team came through and cleaned you out of milk.

(3:07 pm)  
And yes, I’m saying it’s soccer because that is what the sport is *called*. You can take your ‘football’ and I would tell you where to shove it but that would be inappropriate.

(3:33 pm)  
Did your phone run out of battery again? Should I be expecting another text from a random number?

(3:35 pm)  
You know, the last time you did that I nearly had a heart attack. Leliana changed my text tone for random numbers to an air horn… You can imagine how that went.

(3:47 pm) _Unsent!  
_ Are you okay?

-x-

To: Red  
From: The Iron Bull

(4:10 pm)  
**I don’t get it.**  
**Did he know you were bringing Cullen today or something?**

(4:12 pm)  
_I don’t know how he would. We only talked about it what, two days ago? And I didn’t tell Cullen where we were going._  
_He was suspicious, sure, and I think he made the connection pretty quickly that you were Dorian’s friend. But was he even at Serpent this morning?_

(4:17 pm)  
**I don’t know. I only arrived before one and Sera started her shift at midday. It’s just as plausible that he could have been working the morning and disappeared after that.**

(4:18 pm)  
**If he does that though he usually get a ride over with Alexius though since he’s over there every other day now. His car wasn’t in the parking lot though.**

(4:21 pm)  
_He’ll be fine._

(4:22 pm)  
**I’m not convinced.**

(4:25 pm)  
_Well, it’s not like you can go over there and ask._

(4:26 pm)  
 _Bull, don’t go over there and ask._

(4:28 pm)  
**Red, I haven’t heard from him since last night at three in the morning. That doesn’t exactly calm my nerves.**

(4:29 pm)  
_And the day we try to interfere with his life, he doesn’t show up. I feel like that’s the Maker’s way of telling us to stay out of this._

(4:30 pm)  
**You’re saying this is a sign?**

(4:31 pm)  
_Well it’s probably not a bad thing to take that way. And say something bad has happened. Better to let him have the space and let him come to you, no?_

(4:31 pm) _  
_**...You’re right Red.  
****I’m not convinced, but you’re probably right.**

(4:33 pm)  
_I’m sure he just forgot to charge it, alright?_

(4:33 pm)  
 _He’ll be fine._

(4:34 pm)  
**If you say so.**

-x-

To: Dorian  
From: Cullen

(10:08 pm)  
Did you lose your charger or something?

(10:13 pm)  
...In hindsight, that’s probably a ridiculous thing to write. If you’ve lost your charger you won’t be able to get these messages.

(12:08 am)  
...Dorian?

-x-

To: Cullen  
From: Dorian

_9 more unread messages from this number!_

(12:09 am)  
Dorian, please. If I can help, tell me.

(12:10 am)  
I’m getting really worried about you.

(1:02 am)  
_im ssorry._

(1:03 am)  
_fuckin went to the hospital today to see felix and oh goodie!_

(1:03 am)  
_get aphnoe call and find out im in the perfect place because theres been a car crash and guess whos in it_

(1:04 am)  
_guess whos been going back and forward from there all the fucking time and ive been telling him to be careful and i wasn’t there when it happened_

(1:04 am)  
_of course i wasnt with him taht would make this story so much more interesting wouldn’t it?_

(1:04 am)  
_so im in the perfect place to be teh welcoming party as hes wheeled in on a stretcher there was so mcuh blood_

(1:04 am)  
_and after all that after waiting around for ficking 5 hours they come out and say they couldn’t do anything_

(1:04 am)  
_what were tehy fucking doing in there, jabbing needles in him just to see if they could? turns out adding insut to injury can be literal too!_

(1:05 am)  
_so now im here felix is still in the fucking hospital this wine is fucking abhrourtnt and alexius is dead_

(1:06 am)  
_hes fucking dead_

 


End file.
